


Speechless

by KodaOfHeart



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Colored Dialogue, Coming Out, Dream Bubbles, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Meteorstuck, Muteness, Nonverbal Communication, POV Second Person, Slow Burn, Synesthesia, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KodaOfHeart/pseuds/KodaOfHeart
Summary: > Your name is KARKAT VANTAS.Two humans have just arrived on the meteor, making the tiny lab feel even more cramped. You're already not looking forward to the next 1.5 sweeps spent with these losers, but when introductions don't go as expected, you realize that this journey may not be as predictable as you thought.Will you learn how to communicate with Dave, figure out what he seems to be hiding behind those shades, and be able to sort out all your confusing feelings? Or will you fuck everything up like you always do?
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 236





	1. Not What You Expected

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my quarantine project lol  
> This is by far my longest fic and the one I'm most proud of. I'll be posting hopefully at least one chapter every day. It'll end up being around 30k words.  
> Feel free to leave comments or find me on Twitter @KodaOfHeart to talk about it! I'm excited to know what you all think! (And big thanks to twitter user @galaxix__ for helping me edit this!)
> 
> Chapter warning(s): minor ableism related to not really knowing what autism is

When the humans first arrive on the meteor, you expect… more. You don’t know, more noise? Shouting? Hugging, sloppy makeouts? More humans, even. Only two of them end up coming aboard at first, and while you’re glad to not see the Egbert loser who only recently got to see your embarrassing attempt at pitch flirting, you aren’t exactly pleased to see that shades-wearing asshole Strider. Three “years” with him will be the longest of your pathetic life, you just know it. At least the other human here isn’t as bad, just smug and pretentious at worst, but can actually be a good resource of information if you could ever find it in you to give a taintchafing fuck about humans.

Upon first stepping foot onto the large rock, Rose goes around and introduces herself to each troll, lingering just a moment on her handshake with Kanaya. It’s nauseating to watch already, and it’s only been minutes.

“And you must be Karkat, am I correct?” she finally says to you, her hand outstretched. Your arms are crossed, and this isn’t worth the effort of uncrossing them, so you just scowl at her.

Of _course_ she'd butcher your name. The syllables that made up your name - and other words in general - felt flat in comparison to how you spoke. It was as if you'd painted a portrait with only the most saturated colors. You can still understand the gist of what she's saying, but it lacks the subtle hums and clicks, like highlights and shadows, of the way trolls speak.

“Can we just get the fuck on our way yet, _Rose_?” You say her name with same oversaturated sounds she had used, but she doesn’t bat an eye. You hope to god that’s not how you actually pronounce her name. It's either that, or she doesn’t give a shit how you address her. “Or are we letting Jack and English get a head start on us?” She wears a gentle, knowing smile. You take back everything you thought about her not being that obnoxious.

Rose simply informs you that they’re waiting on John and Jade, but there are some complications, so they’re figuring it out and waiting on some sort of sign from them. You stop listening a few sentences in, though you _do_ pay attention to the color of her voice, which is the same soft purple as her text. You aren’t sure how much the hemospectrum matters in their society, as she doesn’t seem like any kind of royalty, but then again you’ve never seen that shade of purple in any troll's blood before so it’s probably a very different system. A part of you wonders if Dave’s voice will be the same red as his text, and what it will be like to hear that color in someone else’s voice for once in your life. The other part of you is telling the first part not to care.

As that debate starts up in your head, you look over to see where the fuck Dave even is, since you’d expect to have heard his voice non-stop by now, or at least a little bit. You spot him off to the side, not talking to anybody, and doing something on his palmhusk. Now, what fucking conversation with Egbert or Harley is more interesting to him than this whole event? Meeting aliens? Meeting his own _gods_?? He really is an uncaring asshole, holy shit. You already feel your face heating up in anger because of him, and you know this is the first of many times that will happen. _Lucky fucking you._

Then comes an very embarrassing scene involving you getting hit in the head with a bucket from Egbert, but it won’t be retold here because A) it’s way too embarrassing, and B) the author doesn’t feel like going back and getting all the details of that scene.

But before you know it, plans are made to regroup at the new human planet in 1.5 sweeps, and Sollux and Aradia send the meteor hurtling through space and dimensions. Now they’re gone, the green sun is gone, all the stars and planets are gone, and you’re just left on this tiny rock with these moronic people, immediately regretting all your decisions that led you here. Everyone heads inside the lab once the fanfare of takeoff dies down, and you walk quickly to catch up. You look around for Dave, ~~so you might hear his voice~~ so you can establish a “we will not speak to each other while we are stuck here together” agreement. He must be fast, because he isn’t with the group or in the nearby hallways. You eventually find him silently floating down one hallway, dragging his hand along the wall, and peeking into each block.

“Strider!” you call out. He jumps and in a split second he turns towards you, feet on the ground, sword out in a fight stance. You startle, taking a small step back with a gasp. You were not expecting such an aggressive reaction to you just saying his name. When he sees that it’s you (which baffles you because he’d have to see you through his dark douchey sunglasses in this dimly lit hallway, and you know for a fact humans don’t have night vision like trolls do), he stands up straighter, captchalogues his sword to his sylladex with a twiddle of his fingers, and pulls out his palmhusk. Wow, he doesn’t even have the decency to say hello? He makes hating him easier than breathing.

“I don’t know what the blistering fuck is up with you, and why you’re avoiding everybody. But hey, if anything, fucking keep it that way, nookstain. Do not talk to me on this journey. Do not even be anywhere in my sights, or I will fucking end you. This is already going to be really goddamn miserable, but to trap you here with me is the universe’s final ‘fuck you’ to me. So leave me alone, got it?” Dave seems unfazed by how loud you were shouting all that, and doesn’t seem to look up from his-

Your palmhusk buzzes. You fish it out of your pocket and glance at the screen-

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

TG: got it

TG: also youre way shorter in person

TG: just thought you should know that

“Oh my fucking GOG! Are you kidding me Strider! I’m steps in front of you and you _still_ pester me _online_?! Fuck right off.” You shove your palmhusk back in your pocket and storm off towards your respiteblock. How fucking rude and annoying can one creature be? You have a feeling you’re going to find out over the next couple sweeps.

Your plan is to stay in your block for the entire duration of the trip, but that only lasts about a week. After that, you run out of food and start making nightly trips to the meal block and eventually begin finding yourself absentmindedly wandering the halls out of boredom. On most of your trips you bump into one of the people on the rock - Rose, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska, Gamzee, even several corpses - except you never see Strider. It’s only after 2 weeks that you first spot him flashstepping into the meal block to grab food. The guy never seems to leave his block, which is an incredible observation coming from someone like you whose block is his sanctuary. He still messages you, though. More and more frequently every day. You ignore all the messages, because you figure if he has something to say he can say it to your face since your faces are literally existing in the same fucking building now. Though, really he shouldn’t say anything to you, online or otherwise, because you told him not to. You’re just… surprised he’s listening to that, even if only partially.

You eventually start getting worried about the whole situation with him. Not for Dave’s sake, obviously. But you figure if the human is sick or possessed or whatever, it’s a danger to your team and their mission. You can’t just ask Dave about it in case he’d lie or pass whatever it is on to you, so you decide to confront Rose about it, since being genetically similar seems to mean something to humans so she would be the one around here who knows him the best. Predictably, you find the female human in the library, listening to Kanaya translate Alternian books for her and practically drooling over the jadeblood’s voice. Mumbling some excuse, you pull Rose to a side block for a more private conversation. You’re able to read the subtle clues on her face that shows she’s very annoyed with the interruption.

“I suppose you need something?” she asks you, folding her arms.

“Yeah, I need to know what the fuck is wrong with Strider.” Rose cocks an eyebrow, and you growl in frustration. Shouldn't she know exactly what you're talking about, or is no one else noticing his behavior? You figured she, as the one known for analyzing everything and everyone, would see he's been acting strange too. “Ever since you two nimfucks got here, he’s never around and never says a word to me or seemingly anyone else. I don’t care about him, but I need to know if he’s sick with some stupid fucking human disease that could kill off what remains of my crew.”

“Oh, is he not what you expected from your many lengthy conversations online?” she asks sarcastically. Your blood boils, knowing it was a mistake to believe that she would take this seriously.

“Trust me, I’m over the fucking moon that he isn’t nearly as obnoxious as he was online! I’m goddamn ecstatic! I just want to make sure he’s not a danger, or contagious.”

Rose gives a pretentious chuckle, and your scowl grows. “It’s not contagious. Is autism not a thing on Alternia?”

 _Autism? Wait, is that what this is?_ “Uh? I remember Nepeta was autistic. It was nothing like this, though. She could still talk. Are you absolutely fucking sure?”

“Autism is a spectrum,” Rose begins in her best therapist voice. “Each person experiences each symptom to different degrees. Autism is a communication disorder, meaning different autistic individuals have different limitations on how they communicate. Dave is nonverbal, which means he doesn’t speak. He uses other methods of communication, such as texting and hand gestures. Spend some time with him and you’ll learn _his_ version of talking.”

Like hell would you ever voluntarily spend time with him. All you needed to know is that he isn’t infectiously ill, and now that you know that, you leave Rose and can now get on with your miraculously Dave-free life without that drop of worry dripping into the already raging cesspool of anxiety that is your life.

Shame you’ll never know what his voice looks like, though.

_No, shut up. Do not even begin to have ridiculous thoughts like that. It wouldn’t be worth it to have his neverending spout of words coming out of his mouth instead of his texts._

Oh, right. His texts. The reason your palmhusk has been turned off for days so the others don't think you're walking around with a vibrator in your pocket because of how frequently you get notifications. You shouldn't even look at the texts, you really should just ignore them.

However, temptation and curiosity gets the best of you, and you turn on your palmhusk and open his messages as you walk back to your respiteblock. You immediately regret your decision as you have to scroll down a few miles to get to the bottom. The little bit that you skim over looks like several variations of your name, a bunch of attempts at raps, the dictionary-definition of penis and all its synonyms… this boy disgusts you.

He must get a notification that you joined the messages, because he immediately starts typing.

TG: hey

TG: you finally read through all my sick beats

TG: is there a doctor on board i think karkles is too sick from these beats oh god check if the pilots heard the beats too does anyone on board know how to land a plane

TG: or were they too fire

TG: oh shit are there fire extinguishers on this rock

TG: or will your cold shoulder put it out just fine

CG: SHUT THE EVERLIVING FUCK **UP**!!

CG: I’D BE IMPRESSED WITH HOW MUCH YOU’RE CAPABLE OF TYPING WITHOUT YOUR PRONGS FALLING OFF IF I WASN’T BUSY CHUCKING MY PALMHUSK AT THE WALL FROM ITS NONSTOP BUZZING!

CG: SO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU PLEASE *SHUT UP*?!

CG: THOUGH I GUESS THAT IS A FUNNY THING TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO NEVER ACTUALLY SPEAKS.

There’s a pause after you send that. Dave usually never hesitates to answer, so this is pretty noticeable.

TG: yeah

TG: pretty fuckin hilarious if you ask me

TG: can you hear my laugh echo through the lab or can troll ears not pick up my sweet sounds

CG: I JUST DON'T GET IT

CG: IF YOU CAN TALK ON HERE FOR HOURS AND HOURS AND ENDLESS FUCKING HOURS AT A TIME

CG: WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING OUT LOUD?

CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BIRTH DEFECTS OR BRAIN INJURIES HAVE YOU SUSTAINED TO MAKE YOU MIRACULOUSLY INCAPABLE OF SPEECH?

TG: idk

TG: the leg bone connects to the hip bone but i guess my words dont connect to my mouth

TG: shit got rewired to my fingers now im a typing master

TG: see how good i got at typing i can type a whole bunch of words and im talking a metric shit ton of words onto my phone and send it through space into your phone and your eyeballs and your brain to process such mindblowing bars but you cant keep up tell me how i typed and sent all this the moment you sent that message huh

TG: also tell me how these are sending cause now im confused for real. theres no satellites out here to pick up the waves or whatever these words ride through the universe on

CG: YOU’RE A TIME PLAYER.

TG: and

CG: AND YOU CAN USE YOUR TIME POWERS TO SEND MESSAGES FASTER, DUMBASS.

TG: would i waste my time powers on something as trivial as messaging you though riddle me that

CG: YEAH, I BELIEVE YOU’RE PETTY ENOUGH TO DO THAT.

TG: well shit got me there

You huff in frustration. Yup, talking to him now is just as annoying as it ever was.

TG: hey come over

CG: WHAT

TG: my parents arent home

CG: YOUR GUARDIAN DIED A WHILE AGO. I MUST'VE BEEN RIGHT, YOU DO HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE.

TG: its a joke

CG: DON'T QUIT YOUR FUCKING NIGHT JOB.

TG: ouch tough crowd

TG: but seriously

TG: i need a second opinion on this rap i wrote

TG: a true and proper track not the bars i spit into your messages like a yeehaw cowboy spittin chew into a spit jar

CG: STOP SAYING ALIEN WORDS EVERY GODDAMN CHANCE YOU GET, ASSWIPE.

TG: i am literally a being from a different planet

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: i see you have other intentions for coming to my room

TG: scandalous. karen get the press on the horn. i can see the headlines now “local small alien boy trying to seduce an actual god”

You growl and throw your phone into your sweater pile, luckily missing the concrete floor by a hair. Strider is always implying incredibly idiotic sexual advances, and it really gets on your nerves. He puts these terrible images into your head which make you… sick. You feel queasy even thinking of being within arm’s reach of the human, let alone _that_ close. But any time you press him on it or demand that he cuts it out, he mocks you, and tells you over and over how “gay” you are and how “gay” he’s not. What a joke he is. You’d laugh in his face if you could stand the sight of it.

You look over to your pile of movies, considering ignoring Dave and instead just watching some of those to get the douchebag off your mind. Each one is one that you’ve watched at least a dozen times, some even watched backwards just for the hell of it. You sigh, resigning to the inevitable fate of having to eventually spend at least some time with the human boy before he pesters your palmhusk to its death. So, you lay down your dignity, pick up your palmhusk, and start heading out to Dave’s block. You know where it is because you had found it one day on accident by trying on one of the doors and finding it locked, just to get a message pinged to your palmhusk from Dave asking what you wanted. The message and that whole area of the lab were left ignored.

But today you stand in front of the large metal door again. After rolling your eyes at yourself for even doing this, you knock. Dave opens the door immediately, but is looking down at his device instead of at you. Well, you never know when he’s looking at you in general, what with the shades and all, but his head isn't even pointed in your direction.

 _Bzz!_ You reluctantly pull out your palmhusk, already getting annoyed by this method of communicating.

TG: you dont even need to knock i heard your footsteps coming a mile away

TG: gotta change your contact name from stumpy to stompy

You angrily put your device away, this time in your sylladex just so you’re less tempted to reach for it.

“I’m not making a whole trip over here just to fucking text you from a few feet away. What did you want to show me?” you demand. You would never admit it, but if someone who doesn’t usually speak is inviting you over to rap for you, it must be a big deal. You’re just surprised he trusts you like that.

A buzz comes from somewhere in your sylladex, but you ignore it. There’s a pause, as he probably expects you to check the message.

“Well?” you say, breaking the silence. You’re eager to see what he’ll do without the use of texting; maybe he’ll get frustrated enough and just talk. _Stop hoping for that._

Dave captchalogues his palmhusk as well and gestures to his turntables which are connected to a husktop. The sleek lines of cold metal and the distinct lack of organic, moving parts tell you that it's all human technology. For a moment you feel stupid for being surprised to see tech like this; of fucking course it's human technology, he's a human. You guess you're just not seeing alien devices like this up close. Your attention turns back to Dave, and you notice how fingers are constantly fidgeting - they’re either rubbing together, making unnerving cracking sounds, or wiggling around like he’s playing air piano really fast. It’s strange to watch, and you wonder if having something to hold in his hands calms him down.

Dave presses some keys on the turntables that start up a beat, some others that start very weird and unfamiliar sounds, and then he takes a deep breath. For a second, you’re almost excited to finally hear his voice- but you’re quickly and thoroughly disappointed when he presses another button that starts up an automated voice, rapping in monotone. Oh. That’s fine, and to be expected. You don’t know why you thought anything else would happen, it would obviously never be his real voice. So you kick yourself again for your idiotic assumption, and just listen and watch Dave. You won’t admit that some of the lyrics are clever, so you decide that it all sounds like garbage. But when you open your mouth to tell him so, you’re stopped by seeing visible signs of nervousness in him for the first time. Sure, his expression and most of his body seem loose and stoic, but his hands are still fidgeting and now his leg is bouncing. He could just always be doing that, but a small bit of pity changes your words last second to:

“Eh, not bad. I've heard worse, but I've certainly heard better too. Keep working on it but for the sake of my thinkpan staying intact keep your rough drafts the fuck out of my messages.”

Dave only nods in response, but then you hear a strange growl come from him, and you take a step back. You don’t know if something you said triggered some animal instinct in the human, but you’re surprised when his hand moves to his lower abdomen and clenches. Oh, Rose told you about how humans experience hunger in their own uniquely stupid way. How can a species have such an ass-backwards evolution that they can’t growl on command but their “stomach” does involuntarily when it’s empty?

For a moment, you worry about if Dave is getting enough food, and if you should offer to bring him something to eat. But the moment passes, and you figure he’s mature enough to take care of himself. The thought of eating is honestly making you start to feel hungry as well, which gives you a good excuse to end this lame hang-out session.

"Well, thanks for dragging me over here to show me something you really could have just fucking texted me. I'm sure I don't need to explain how to send a music file. I'm going to get something to eat."

With that elegant farewell, you turn and leave. Dave doesn’t follow you.


	2. Almost Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today, sorry about that. The following is based on my own experiences when I go nonverbal.  
> Also, big huge thanks to everyone who left kudos and super nice comments on Chapter 1, you guys made it so worth it!
> 
> No chapter warnings this time!

You don’t see Dave for the rest of that day, or the next day. He does text you at around the same time each morning, though, so you aren't completely rid of him. You try to text him back more frequently now, even when it’s just the normal bickering that frustrates the shit out of you. A voice in your head says that it must be lonely for him to finally be around friends and old flings (are he and Terezi even still a thing?) without the ability to speak at all or socially interact much. Plus you don’t have much else to do here and it’s sometimes a bit entertaining watching just how long Dave can go on with his nonsensical rambles. He never runs out of things to say in texts, ironically enough.

But the day after that, you don’t get your routine text from him. Not that you’re keeping track or anything, it’s just easy to notice when a weight has been lifted. You very much do not care if the human texts you or not, so you instead occupy your mind by challenging yourself to recite every line of your favorite movie while you watch it. You succeed, immediately finding yourself bored to death again, and choose to venture through the lab to see if anything is up. The library is empty, Rose is in the meal block alone drinking something, Terezi and Gamzee are nowhere to be found, and you find Vriska and Kanaya talking in a block together but they quickly slammed the door as you walked past. Ha, as if you wanted to see whatever _they’re_ up to these days.

You eventually just give up and knock on Dave’s door, but get no response. Not even a text. You try the handle, and it opens, so you cautiously peek inside to see… nothing. It's just Dave’s respiteblock minus the Dave. You close the door and keep walking along this hallway, your awful mind deciding to picture all the weird and gross things you could have just walked in on.

Minutes later, you hear a sound like a grunt coming from the last block on this corridor. You get closer, putting all your effort into walking quietly and straining to hear. “ _Mm!_ ” you hear again, more insistent. That voice, it’s… it’s bright red. Dave? Sure, it sounded more high-pitched than you'd expected from him, but maybe humans don't have different vocal ranges depending if you're a boy or a girl. That beautiful candy red color could not be mistaken, though.

Quickly, you approach the cracked-open door and peek into the block. You see Dave sitting on the floor, holding out his hand expectantly. You move in a little closer to get a better look, and see that Dave is gesturing at the little carapacian who you honestly forgot also lived on this rock until just now. His jet-black skin brings back painful memories of your old friend Jack Noir, but you shake the thoughts out of your head and turn your attention back to the scene in front of you. Did Dave really just make a sound? With his voice? He can do that??

You watch them for a minute to try to get the full picture. Dave and the carapacian seem to be setting up cans in a certain layout you can’t immediately figure out, and occasionally labeling one or marking up the ground with chalk. Dave was apparently asking to have the chalk that the little guy was holding, and makes some lines on the floor with it once it’s handed to him. You try to open the door a tiny bit more, but it creaks, and both of them snap their heads up to look at you. You freeze like an antlerbeast caught in street-illuminators.

“Fuck, sorry, I wasn’t- Uh, I’ll just…” and with that elegant statement, you turn and start to walk away. You only get a few steps before you hear the door open wide behind you. You turn, and see the tiny carapacian standing in the doorway, waving you inside. You raise an eyebrow and pause. Maybe Rose was right and by spending more time with Dave you’ll get to see more unique communication from him, perhaps even words or full sentences. Plus, your idiotic brain wasn’t lying, it’s amazing to finally hear another candy-red voice, and you’re hooked after just one sound. You decide to join them.

You walk in and sit down, making sure to keep a good distance between you and the human. Finally getting a better look at the project in front of you, you realize it’s a pretend city, complete with neighborhoods, farms, stores, libraries, and a town hall. It’s cute, in a wriggler sort of way. You wonder why Dave is here helping. He must be bored too, you figure.

Working with them is a challenge. Neither speak, but they communicate mostly with gestures. It looks almost like sign language, but by two people who don’t know sign language. Lots of nodding, pointing, thumbs up or down, that sort of thing. But there’s also some noises coming from Dave. They start happening about an hour or so after you joined, when he places 3 cans in a line along the main street and makes a hum that goes upward, like the inflection at the end of a question. His head turns up to face you, and you hesitate, not knowing what to do or why he’s making a sound seemingly at you. Then, the carapacian snaps to get Dave’s attention, and nods with a thumbs up. That seems to satisfy Dave, as he moves on to the next matter of business. You realize he might've been asking for some sort of confirmation.

It's not long before you hear his voice again after that. You're in the middle of a ramble, reaching for things to complain about so that it doesn't look like you're having too much fun with this activity, when he interrupts you.

"...labeling identical cans as various buildings is fucking stupid considering a hive and a skyscraper would NOT be the same size, not to mention how the carapacian can't spell for shit-"

"Mm!" Dave grunts. This sound has an angry tone that grabs your attention. Looking up at Dave you see his brows slightly furrowed in frustration, and he's pointing at the sash the little creature on your left is wearing. You look over at it and now notice that it's a "mayo" label that he had stolen off of a can, but with the letter "r" written on the end with a red marker. The carapacian is beaming proudly at you.

You roll your eyes and correct yourself. "Fine, whatever, the _mayor_ can't spell for shit. If anything, that should be even more reason..." and on you continue. You could be wrong, but when you make that correction, Dave's face lights up a little bit, as if he's happy you understood him.

After that, he seems more comfortable making his humming noises when he wants to communicate something that can’t be understood only through gestures. Each sound is magical, as you’ve always dreamed of hearing a candy red voice from someone else. Words would be better, but you’re grateful to get this much. You wonder if this is the closest Dave can get to speaking, or if he just needs to feel comfortable to go even further. Either way, you're careful not to mock the sounds, figuring if _you_ could only communicate like that you'd get really fucking annoyed really fucking quickly if you were made fun of for trying to speak at all.

Over the course of the can town visit, you start to slowly get better at telling what each sound means based on its inflection, to the point where you can differentiate between “give”, “put”, “move over”, and “thanks”. It's a pretty nice feeling to be able to sort of understand Dave without him speaking full words or even resorting to texting, and you're sure you're not alone in that feeling. When you eventually bid the two alien boys goodnight, you get a hum in response from Dave. It's one plain sound, no inflection, so you hesitate to respond. But then Dave looks up at you and makes the sound again with a dumb little wave. Oh, got it.

"Yeah, see you," you respond, and begin the walk back to your respiteblock.

You can't help but think of Dave as you lay in your recuperacoon trying to fall asleep. What it would be like to be limited like that, what it means that he's graduated from complete silence to sounds, if he'll reach a point where he'll speak or if you'll just need to reach a compromise to understand him in the least frustrating way for the both of you. You don't know what'll happen during the rest of this journey, but you can guess that either he'll learn to talk or you'll learn to listen.


	3. Trying to Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, my dearest apologies. There will be longer ones very soon, though, don't worry! Pester me on Twitter @KodaOfHeart if you want me to post faster xP
> 
> Chapter warning: minor ableism related to not fully understanding autism (again) ((he gets better don't worry!))

The next morning, you decide to text Dave first. You were up all day thinking about what it would be like to not speak, and have some questions for the nonverbal human. Of course you’d obsess over something stupid like that instead of sleeping. Oh well, add that bag to the other dozen under your eyes. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

CG: HEY

CG: ARE YOU AWAKE YET?

TG: yeah

TG: whos sleep i dont know her anymore

TG: shes an old ex of mine. amazing in bed but hells unreliable. she always stood me up. what a bitch

TG: why whats up

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION. I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO WORD IT THOUGH.

TG: omg a proposal already? idk if im ready for this man how could we afford a ceremony right now were both unemployed, this meteor recession is hitting hard. i wont stand for no backyard wedding either i need that shit huge like the whole nine yards

CG: WHAT? FUCK NO.

CG: IT WAS ABOUT YOUR WHOLE. NONVERBAL. THING. BUT IF YOU’RE GONNA BE AN ASSWIPE THE WHOLE CONVERSATION LIKE YOU USUALLY ARE I'LL JUST SIT AND STEW IN MY CURIOSITY.

TG: what no

TG: this is a no stewing zone my dude

TG: what do you wanna know

You take a deep breath and try to carefully phrase it, even though you’ve gone over the words again and again in your head. 

CG: WHATS IT LIKE?

_Wow, gracefully put, dumbass._

CG: MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOUR BRAIN CAN SURE AS HELL MAKE WORDS BECAUSE ALL YOU FUCKING DO IS TYPE WORDS TO ME NIGHT IN AND NIGHT OUT.

CG: SO DO YOU JUST SIT THERE WITH WORDS IN YOUR HEAD BUT YOU CANT SPEAK THEM? HOW CAN YOU TYPE BUT NOT SPEAK? SOMETHING DOESN’T ADD UP.

You regret typing that last remark the moment you hit “send”. You’re not really trying to accuse him of anything, you're just confused.

TG: it aint some conspiracy. if i could talk do you really think id be keeping my sweet voice to myself

TG: no way dog this shit is absolutely not voluntary

TG: idk its like

TG: the words are there in my head

TG: but all tangled up

TG: and when i try to speak them they dont connect to my mouth its just silence or jumbled sounds which is hella uncool to just babble like a fucking newborn

TG: over text i can spell out the words and see them in front of me and obviously i can fucking read so it just makes more sense to me that way

TG: plus if im having trouble i dont know if you know this but i have fucking time travel powers and have all the time in the world to type shit out. cant do that when speaking

CG: DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPEAK?

CG: WOW OKAY THAT SOUNDED A LOT WORSE TYPED OUT THAN IN MY THINKPAN.

TG: yeah

TG: to both things

TG: ive practiced sounds and moving my mouth to make words. its just this weird thing where when i try to make a word leave my throat the words hit a point where they stop making sense. like if you walked into a room and forgot how to read even though you could read before you stepped into the room. but its talking instead of reading. i guess that doesnt make too much sense but now imagine you are the words and the room is my mouth

TG: actually scratch that its turning into vore

TG: how do so many of my metaphors end up with vore 

CG: JEGUS STOP SAYING VORE.

CG: DID YOU EVER TRY TO GET HELP TO CONNECT THE THOUGHTS TO SPEECH?

TG: on my own yeah

TG: can you tell how great it worked

CG: LET ME GUESS

CG: YOUR GUARDIAN DIDN’T TRY TO FIND HELP FOR YOU.

TG: hahaha good one

Your bloodpusher drops. Of course that bulgemucher of a guardian wouldn’t try to help. What a useless pile of filth he must've been. You don't know what you'd do if you ever had the chance to meet the asshat face-to-face.

CG: OKAY WELL. WOULD YOU WANT, I DON'T KNOW, ANY SORT OF PRACTICE? I WON'T JUDGE WHATEVER MUSHED UP SOUNDS EXPEL FROM YOUR SQUAWK GAPER.

TG: nah

TG: thanks for the offer

TG: but i think im pretty content as is

TG: talking isnt this big goal of mine like a bunch of assholes think it is. i mean sure shit gets annoying when youre limited to text but thats mainly the fault of peeps who will only listen to spoken words and not try to communicate my way

That hits hard, reminding you of your own flaw there. You realize that he's right, you have just been hoping for an end where you and him have normal spoken conversations, you never considered that that's not entirely what _he_ wants.

CG: OH. I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

You want to apologize, but chicken out at the last second.

CG: SORRY PEOPLE DO THAT TO YOU.

TG: its whatever

You hesitate, trying to think of anything else to say, or to ask.

TG: got any other q's for me to a?

CG: NO NOT REALLY.

CG: IM GONNA GET SOME SLEEP.

TG: k, night

Unsure how to say goodbye, you leave it at that. But as you’re about to captchalogue your phone, you decide to send one last message before you leave.

CG: MAKE SURE YOU EAT SOMETHING.

And with that, your phone goes away, and you sink back into your recuperacoon for a much-needed nap.


	4. Not Your Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is gonna hurt. Have fun!!
> 
> Chapter warnings: sadstuck, dream bubbles, alternate versions of characters, colored dialogue may be hard to read (though that's part of the point)

The next day, you wake up outside. In a field. During the bright and sunny daytime. Your eyes immediately fly open and you scramble to your feet, already in a full panic. The sun is blindingly bright, but not burning to stand in, thank god. This realization also serves as a hint telling your disoriented mind that this is _not_ Alternia. You look around, desperately wondering where you are. It’s not any kind of field you’ve seen before: there’s bright green grass and strange-looking weeds as far as the eye can see. You take off running in a random direction, only seeing field on all sides… only to suddenly walk onto a rooftop high up in the sky. The sudden change of setting brings confusion and mental whiplash, then relief as you realize that this is only a dream bubble. You must’ve somehow missed the announcement of one incoming.

“Karkat?” a hesitant voice asks from behind you. The voice is a familiar bright-red, but sounds foreign regardless. You whip around to face the voice, and try to shield your eyes so you can see. But it’s still too bright to make out more than a figure. The person walks up to you and something that feels like thin metal bars slide onto your face and on top of your ears. “Here.”

When you blink your eyes fully open, everything is darker, so you can finally see clearly. Standing in front of you is the one and only Dave Strider, minus shades. At least, you think it’s him, you can’t be entirely sure because you’ve never seen his full face before. But that… that can’t be right. You gasp a little and look him up and down to confirm it’s him. “D-Dave?”

“You’re not my Karkat, are you?” he asks in a defeated tone. At this point you stand closer and start examining his face. He has thick dark eyebrows like your own that you usually only see bits of poking up from behind large dark circles, and there’s a strange scattering of dots along his cheeks and the bridge of his nose that are slightly darker than his skin tone and remind you of the bioluminescent spots covering seadwellers. When your yellow eyes meet his pure white ones, he sighs, “and I’m not your Dave.”

Holy shit, he’s talking. There's so much you're trying to process right now it's making you dizzy. His voice sounds just like the hums you’ve heard from Dave. Well, the other Dave. Or you suppose _this_ is the “other Dave”?

“You’re dead,” you state without much meaning or forethought.

“Yeah. Is this your first dream bubble?” Gog, he’s so expressive without his shades. You can easily read emotions like curiosity and intense sorrow in the way he's looking at you. You still can't be sure if he's looking straight into your eyes, since he has no visible pupils, but it sure feels like he is.

“No. I just wasn’t prepared. You fuckers don’t show up with much of a warning.”

Dream Dave shrugs. “As if I have any say in it.” He must notice the bewildered look on your face when he speaks to you. “Why are you looking at me like that? Did something happen to your Dave?”

“Stop fucking calling him that,” you growl. “He’s not _‘mine’_ in any way, shape, or form.”

“Huh,” is all he says. Though it's not much of a response, it feels heavy, and you can't quite explain why. You guess you should try to make conversation while you’re here. You don’t usually stay and chat with dead versions of friends, but you can’t bring yourself to abandon the bright red words from this Dave just yet.

“Do you have a Karkat from your timeline around here somewhere? I haven’t gotten the chance to punch myself in the face yet, and there's nothing else I want to do in these lame bubbles besides that.”

Dave shakes his head. “Nope. Just me. I haven’t seen anyone since I died.”

“Well that’s fucking depressing,” you blurt out.

He does this dry laugh that comes out more like a scoff. “Yeah I guess it is." Dave takes a step closer to you, and you swallow hard. "Hey, you’re still looking at me like I’m the ghost of your lusus. What’s up?”

“Well just from your proper pronunciation of the word ‘lusus’, that confirms that you aren’t my Da- my _universe’s_ Dave,” you quickly correct yourself. “I-It's just hard to wrap my think pan around the fact that there's words actually coming out of your mouth right now.”

Now Dave fully laughs, but it still doesn’t sound that happy. “My Karkat used to say I never shut up. I know there’s every possible iteration of me out there but a quiet one is hard to believe.”

You roll your eyes. “Jeez, tell me about it. You still never shut up over text, but face-to-face you- I mean _he_ isn’t just quiet. He’s completely silent. ‘Nonverbal autistic’, according to Rose.”

Dave raises his eyebrows and makes another “huh” sound. “So, the first time you’ve heard Dave talk... is from me?” You nod.

“He hums sometimes but as far as words go, yeah. And it’s the same high-pitched tone you got, so I guess this is actually what it would sound like if he talked.”

He looks away then, like you said something that hurt him. But he glances back up at you with those empty white eyes that you realize you never want to see on Dave again after this. “Is it the same color?”

That question stops you and your thoughts dead. “What… what did you say?”

“Is it still red, and the same shade as your Dave’s?” You don’t even notice him saying “your Dave” again, since all you hear is your bloodpusher in your ear.

Hemo-synethesia is a trait unique to limebloods and some candy-red mutants like you. It’s the ability to hear a troll’s blood color in their voice, since your brain makes connections of voices to colors and it’s always accurate. Lucky no one else has this, or you’d be found out just for speaking, but giving away that you have the ability also exposes you. So the fact that this Dave knows this about you means a lot of other potentially terrifying things. _What else does he know about you? What happened between this Dave and his universe's respective Karkat?_

You’ve also been wondering for a while if Dave has the ability too since you have matching blood colors, but you guess this answers that question.

He must notice your panic, as he quickly backtracks. “Dude you told me about the voice-color thing ages ago. Well, my Karkat did. I assume you have the same thing.”

“Yeah,” you finally breathe out. _It’s okay, he’s in a dream bubble, nothing he knows about you can harm you because he’ll vanish any second._ “...to both things. Yeah I do, and yeah it is. The same red, I mean.” You're stammering, and you hate it, but you never thought you'd ever talk about Dave's voice color to his face, and doing so is kind of throwing you for a loop.

Dave nods, then glances away again, looking a little shy. It’s not an emotion you’re used to seeing on the human. Then again, you guess you aren't used to seeing _any_ emotion on him. “Does your Dave… look like me?”

“Quit calling him that! And what the fuck do you mean? You’re the same person. You look the same, just a little older, and besides the fact that he has eyes that aren’t just pure white. Well at least I assume he does behind those douchey shades.”

“The same douchey shades you’re wearing right now?” he quips. Oh, yeah, you forgot you had them on. You want to take them off and snap them in half just to show how much you despise them, but you value your eyesight over making a point. Damn this Earth sun.

“Whatever! Yes he looks like you.” Dave looks… disappointed again. You don’t know what other answer he expected. “What did you hope he looked like?”

“Nothing. It’s not my place to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?"

“The thing that isn’t my place.”

“Stop being so fucking vague! What are you and him hiding?”

Dream Dave looks up and in your direction. You can't be sure what he's looking at, but a strange sense of unease holds you back from asking him or pressing him to answer your original question. This version of Dave is undoubtedly surrounded by a darker energy. Not that the version you're used to is all smiles with a sparkly personality, but the one standing in front of you has a negative presence that even you can feel the weight of. You're almost afraid to know what he's capable of.

_Wait, what are you even thinking??_ You're not afraid of _this_ Dave or any other equally terrible version! You created them all, you are their god, you could take them all down if it came down to it.

Dave smiles then, and it disarms you.

"Well, Kitkat, looks like we're ironically out of time once again." Before you can start yelling at him to not use such demeaning nicknames for you, he points over your shoulder, and you turn around to look like the gullible dumbass you are.

You see the familiar wall of rainbow-colored oil patterns on the horizon that marks the end of the dream bubble. The wall is slowly moving closer, swallowing all the buildings of the surrounding cityscape away into nothingness. Well, for you, anyway. All of it, Dave included, will remain here forever, but that wall means your exit whether you welcome it or not. In this moment, you aren't sure if you do.

By the looks of it, there might be only a minute or so left before it reaches the two of you and you'll be forced out and this Dave will be left all alone again. You look back at the dead human to make some final parting remark, but he's still looking past you.

“Karkat?” he asks, his voice distant. This time when he says your name, you notice that it’s pronounced exactly right, which you figured would only be accomplished by someone who spoke Alternian. You wonder if… _no, it wouldn’t happen. Not in any timeline._ Though hearing Dave say it that way sends inexplicable shivers up your posture pole.

“What?” you finally reply, trying to get the fuck out of your own head. You’re honestly a bit scared for his response. Ghosts say and do very strange things when they notice you’re about to leave. And for someone as lonely as Dave? Who knows what he’s about to-

“Can I hug you?” he asks softly.

“W-What?” you instinctively take a step back, eyes focused on him. He looks directly at you again, his brows furrowed and his mouth slightly quirked up with a sad but desperate expression. You can’t help but feel pity for him. Not red pity, of course, just platonic. Very strong platonic pity.

“I haven’t seen Karkat, _my_ Karkat, in a long time,” Dream Dave explains. “I don’t know if or when I will again. Can I please hug you so I can feel something similar to holding him, one last time?”

Okay, now hold up. You’ve been suspicious of this guy ever since he showed up, started saying “my Karkat”, seemed to miss that Karkat more than anything, and now wanting to hug you. What kind of weird friendship must those two have had in this other timeline he’s from? Could it have been- no, no way. Not fucking possible. Not in infinite universes would there ever be a version of you two together like that.

But you look at the depressed boy and you figure, why the hell not. He seems to really _really_ want this, plus humans are pretty touchy you’ve heard, so you’ll let him have this. You shrug and open your arms, and after a tiny hesitation he rushes into your embrace and immediately sinks his head into your neck. You jump back, startled and shouting.

“Hey what the fuck!!” you yell.

“Sorry, I’m sorry!” he says quickly, holding his hands up in innocence. “I forgot this version of you doesn’t trust me with being near your neck. That’s cool, I won’t do it again. Just. Please. One more chance. We don’t have much time left.” He’s desperate now. The edge of the bubble is closing in; you can hear its rumbling approaching you from behind. You hesitantly move forward again, reminding yourself that these ghosts can’t permanently hurt you (at least you _think_ they can't), and humans don’t even have teeth sharp enough to puncture troll skin easily. The second you start to lift your arms again, Dave melts back into you without hesitation, keeping his face smushed into the edge of your shoulder, away from your neck. You’re still cautious, but awkwardly wrap your arms around him. It feels weird. Is it because you don’t really know this Dave, or would you not want to do this with anyone? Is it strange because he’s a human? Is it because his skin is freezing cold? You aren’t entirely sure. You haven’t really hugged anybody since… god when was the last time? Does that moment with Gamzee count?

You feel the cold breeze of the void creep up your back, bringing you back into the moment. Only a few seconds more until this awkward ghost visit is-

Then there’s a soft feeling against your cheek. You startle and pull back again, wiping your cheek with your sleeve and checking it to see if he put anything on your face. Dave isn’t a prankster like John is, but then again this isn’t the Dave you know either. “What the shit was that?!”

“Sorry, old habit,” Dave smiles sadly. The rumble of the bubble's edge is loud now, it's difficult to hear Dave's voice over it. But when he makes his next and final statement, it's clear as night and echos in your head. Dave speaks in clean, practiced Alternian: “Love you, dude.”

And with that closing and most confusing line, Dave, and the rest of the scene around you, vanishes into the void. You see him floating away through the rainbow membrane of the bubble, waving to you. You’re left standing on the rooftop of the lab now, shock written all over your face and holding you right where you are as you try to piece together what the fuck just happened.

_He… Did he really just… But what did that… And what if…_ No, no there’s too much you don’t know about what all that was, and you come to the grand conclusion that it was an elaborate acting ruse to fuck with you. With rehearsed Alternian and everything! _Well congratufuckinglations, Dream Dave. You’ve succeeded in confounding me for an entire minute. Are you proud of yourself? Can you live happily in death now knowing that you achieved such a feat? What an absolute, bulgemuching, douchefucking, moronic little piece of-_

Your thoughts are interrupted by a buzz on your palmhusk. You search through your sylladex, still a bit disoriented, and eventually find it.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

TG: whatre you grumbling about over there

As soon as your eyes scan over the words, you hastily look up and around. You find Dave, the version you're used to, on the other side of the rooftop, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge. Seeing him with his shades on again feels normal. Oh yeah, the shades! You reach up to your face and- no, they’re gone too. It’s like all of that never happened. And yet, to you, it very much did.

You walk over to the human. He’s moving a rock between his fingers and seems to be looking at that. His phone sits next to him, open to your messages.

“Did you see any of what just happened?”

He picks up his phone and types his answer. Even though he hits “send”, you just read it over his shoulder.

TG: if you mean whatever nasty shit you were getting up to in your side of the dream bubble no

He doesn’t say more than that. You notice him trembling slightly, and you instinctively reach over to touch his shoulder to comfort him, but he flinches away. It clicks then that if he’s up here too, he was also in the dream bubble, just a different part of it. And you remember the tiny bits and pieces he’s revealed to you about what he used to do on rooftops with his guardian. You hope he didn’t just have to go through that again, but all signs point to it. He’s not even spamming you over text, which is very out of character of him. He’s just… sitting there. It’s almost creepy seeing him like this.

"You, uh, need anything?"

Dave just shakes his head. His silence makes you sad, reminding you that you'll likely never hear him speak, never see his bright red words, ever again. Though you guess they weren't necessarily _his_ to begin with.

You wonder if you should tell him about the encounter you just had, if he'd find it funny or explain what the guy seemed to be hiding. But looking at the frightened boy in front of you now, you decide that it would be best if he not know, and that that Dave was probably messing with you with that whole secret stuff anyway.

"Okay. Well. You know how to reach me if you change your mind," you offer. Dave only nods in response. You feel the pity rising up again, but you see a little red in it so you quickly push the feeling back down. You can't risk being comforting or affectionate right now. So you just turn and walk off of the roof. Dave, yet again, does not follow.


	5. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support on the last chapter!! These kudos and comments make my day, seriously. Ily all!  
> Time for some fan-favorite davekat tropes, oh boy.
> 
> Chapter warnings: arguments, panic attacks

The days pass, and honestly start to get better as they go on. You’re leaving your room more, and so is Dave - though he’s doing so in smaller amounts. He actually stands in the meal block to grab food rather than flashstepping or using time powers to not be seen. You notice Rose trying to get closer to him, but it usually ends in Dave leaving in frustration. Rose and Kanaya seem pretty close, and Kanaya is having an on-again-off-again thing with Vriska, who’s having a strange black moirallegiance with Terezi. It’s not very complicated to you after all the love-polygons that you’ve read about and watched in movies, but it’s not interesting enough for you to try to keep track of it. Dave is hanging out with the Mayor more, and you try to join them when you can. That is, when you feel like leaving your block.

You even start watching movies in the lab’s common room that has a big red couch, and Dave sometimes joins you. He plays it off very casually and is on his phone the whole time while sitting as far apart from you on the couch as he possibly can. It makes you wonder about that Dream Dave, and how him and “his Karkat” got to the point of hugging and neck touches and cheek kissing and _oh gog stop thinking about all that!_

Not being able to derail that train of thought for long, you still often wonder about the other thing that Dream Dave had said: that there was something else he was hiding and couldn’t tell you. It’s been nagging you every day since it happened. You know you had originally chalked the whole thing up to being skilled reverse trolling, but as you roll the thoughts around in you head you start to wonder if there could have been truth to it.

One night (night and day mean nothing anymore, everyone’s adopted their own sleep cycle that determines night vs day), you’re unable to focus on your books, movies, or even music. All your thoughts keep circling back to that annoying curiosity, and you start convincing yourself that Dream Dave wasn't just fucking with you. So, you decide, if it’s a conversation only this Dave can have with you, you’re going to have that conversation before it drives you literally insane.

Within minutes of making the decision, you’re in a new sweater and knocking on Dave’s respiteblock door. You clear your throat so he can hear your voice and know it’s you without having to ask. You’ve been learning a lot about nonverbal behavior lately, and despite your complaining it’s all actually pretty interesting. A moment later the door opens and you see Dave standing there in his usual god-tier outfit, but his hair looks a little disheveled. You almost feel bad for possibly waking him up.

“Were you sleeping?” you ask, even though you’re pretty sure you know the answer. He shakes his head and opens the door wider with a hum that indicates a question. In this context, you assume it means “ _do you want to come in?_ ” to which you nod and walk inside the room. Its messier than usual, but you aren’t one to talk considering the natural disaster that is your own respiteblock.

Dave closes the door and stands there awkwardly, waiting for your move.

“I want to… okay this is fucking stupid. But my dumb ass brought me here so I guess I have to stick it out. You’d never let me let go of it otherwise.” Dave shakes his head smugly, and you wonder what sick burns he has swimming in his mind that he can’t say. That seems so fucking frustrating, you would never be able to live like that. You choose your next words carefully. “I wanted to ask you about something a version of you told me in a dream bubble.”

The blonde hastily grabs his phone and starts typing with lightning-fast fingers, and you already have your palmhusk in your hand when he sends the message.

TG: oh shit a dream me? ive met a couple of dead daves theyre all pretty fly guys. what happened with this hunk

You roll your eyes. “He said and did some really fucking weird shit to me, but he asked me if you and him looked the same, and seemed disappointed when I said yes. I asked him about it and he said he couldn’t talk about it, only you could. What the fuck was he talking about? It’s been keeping me from sleeping sometimes and I need as many extra seconds of shuteye as I can fucking get. So spill, Strider.”

He shrugs nonchalantly, but you think you notice a slight tenseness in his posture when you say your piece. Maybe you’re just looking for shit, or maybe he’s hiding something too.

TG: i dont know what he was talking about, sorry dude

“You know, I’ve lived a few doors down from you for long enough to know when you’re telling the truth and when you’re fucking not. So whatever it is, just tell me.” You try to keep your voice steady and not get too heated too fast, but it’s hard not to get carried away with rage right now thinking that Dave is hiding something potentially big from you.

TG: guess spending a few weeks somewhat near me is enough to read me like a lie detector huh

TG: whatever

TG: hes a dave from a completely different timeline do you think all daves share the same deep dark secrets?

“Well obviously not, that’s why I tried to ignore it at first, but now you’re all defensive and I take that as meaning he had some goddamn truth in what he was saying, asshole.”

TG: defensive?

TG: YOU came here unannounced while i was sleeping and started accusing me of hiding shit from you all because some other me was weird and implied something

You pause. He’s sort of got a point. But wait. “You said before that you weren’t sleeping.”

TG: who the fuck cares

“I do because it means you’re a fucking casual liar! If it comes so fucking easy to you then who’s to say you aren’t-”

TG: if there was something i was keeping quiet about, and i mean more quiet than i keep everything else, dont you think id wait to tell you on my own accord and not because of some fucking interrogation

“So there _is_ something!” you shout in angry triumph. Dave is getting increasingly anxious. You notice the shorter rises and falls of his breathing as well as his cheeks dusted pink in embarrassment.

TG: please just leave it alone

You snap. “For the love of gog, what in hell could be this important, you motherfucking shitweasel?? Literally nothing matters anymore! Not anything that happened on Earth, not anything in the game! What is worth being a fucking coward about now?” you’re yelling. You know it’s pushing too far. Everyone’s got personal stuff they don’t really want to share, not excluding yourself. But curiosity is getting the best of you, and for some reason you feel hurt that he doesn’t trust you.

Dave turns away from you, which only fuels your rage more. But when you open your mouth to shout some more, you freeze. The sight that stopped you is him quickly reaching up to his face and slowly bringing his hand back down, clutching the temple of his shades in it. Even though you’ve been through something similar with Dream Dave, it didn’t seem as vulnerable a moment for him as it does for the Dave standing right in front of you. Plus, you never actually got to see that Dave’s eyes, and the suspense is killing you now. You watch silently as Dave pulls out his phone, lowers the brightness on the screen, and types a message. Then he deletes it, and tries again. This happens twice more before he finally sends one.

TG: youre my best bro karkat of course i want to trust you with this kind of shit its just really hard to just suddenly show someone everything ya know

You read it, then read it again. “I’m sor-” you begin, but are interrupted when you look up and are met with red.

Bright, beautiful red eyes.

Your breath catches in your throat. You knew what his face looked like, you knew his voice was red, you could’ve guessed he’d have eyes to match his blood and text color like Rose, but holy shit. Seeing them for real is enough to make your whole world stop. They’re not red like yours will one day be; his irises are red but your entire eyes will become that awful color. Well. The color doesn’t look so awful on Dave.

You understand the insecurity and vulnerability immediately. You never told any of your friends your blood color; they all just ended up figuring it out one way or another. You would never in a million sweeps answer truthfully if someone asked what caste you are, or to bleed in front of them. So to figure that this is virtually the same for Dave, yet he’s actually doing it he’s actually fucking showing you… you can’t help the tears that well up in your eyes. You quickly wipe at your eyes with the insides of your sleeves and sweater neck so the pale red tears aren’t visible. When you reopen your eyes, Dave is standing closer, watching you. Without the shades you can see all the concern in his face, in his _eyes_.

Your memory decides that this is the best time to remind you once again of the Dave who implied that he and the Karkat of his timeline had been together, _no,_ possibly even in a quadrant, _stop this,_ hugging, _shut,_ and kissing, _UP!_ So desperately do you want those thoughts to leave but they persist, and you try not to let it show as you look at Dave from only about a foot away. The tension seems to last sweeps, but in reality the eye contact lasts about a second before the human looks down at his feet. You realize you haven’t even said anything.

“I-I’m just… I’ve never seen…” You take a breath and try again. “They aren’t bad at all. M-My eyes will look similar one day.” You blurt that last bit out without really meaning to. Dave raises an eyebrow at you. “When trolls mature their eyes fill in with their uh… blood color.”

TG: so you have red blood

You swallow, the words on the screen looking like a death sentence already. But you nod, officially deciding to return the vulnerable confession. 

TG: like the time girl with the wings

“No, not like Aradia. Fuck I wish it was her red. Her color is at like, the bottom of the carved lusus pole, and mine is buried all the way underneath somewhere near the Alternian core. Mine is a mutation that’s killed on sight.” Since he’s confused, you wonder why it’s still a big deal for him. He doesn’t seem shocked or relieved like you’d expect from a fellow mutantblood. “Don’t humans have the same bullshit hierarchy?”

TG: not at all dude holy shit

“Then what the fuck is the difference between your blood and Rose’s?” you huff. Dave’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, and it’s almost a little bit cute. You're practically hypnotized watching his eyes flick back and forth over his phone's screen as he types, and you're find it very hard to maintain your anger right now.

TG: nothing. all humans have red. we have many ways to discriminate peeps but trust me blood color aint one of em

Nevermind, the rage returns full force. Of course. _Of fucking course_ your godawful genetic mutation, the one thing that makes you an outcast so rejected by society that you’d literally be culled on sight any day of your life just for existing, the very reason for your neverending fear and isolation from the moment of hatching, _is a shared fucking quality among the entire human race!_

TG: or i guess we had

You’re confused for a moment as you’re dragged out of your spiraling anxiety, then realize that the guy’s still just ranting to himself.

TG: no bigotry among us remaining four

TG: and hopefully none of the new four are racists or anything cause i swear i will throw down idc if youre my mom you cant say that about black people

You tap his hand gently to stop him from continuing his ramble any further. He flinches a bit, but in the split second of touch you notice how soft and warm his skin was. Also you realize that that was the first time you two have touched. Hugging Dream Dave was okay, but he felt so cold, like a ghost. _Well duh, fucking dumbass._

Honestly, you’re a bit let down by the fact that these humans will never fully understand the hemospectrum that’s dominated your entire existence. They already don’t get the quadrants, which is frustrating enough to make you want to rip your hair out every time they call moirallegiance “best friends”. Well, don’t get it wrong of course you’re grateful that there’s no violent hierarchy that would make someone like Dave put his life on the line just for leaving the house like you experienced, but… you don’t know. You and your friends created these beings in your image, and they’re so different. So much more fragile physically and mentally, such confusion with the way their society views blood and sexuality. You guess you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to understand them either.

“So why do you hide your eyes if they don’t matter?”

He does a little eye-roll, which is fascinating to see on someone who you’ve never seen any true expression from.

TG: different blood colors isnt a thing on earth

TG: or i guess wasnt

TG: using past tense for my planet is still weird as fuck

TG: but eye colors only come in a few colors for humans. not a vast color wheel but just different shades of browns and blues. greens and grays too but those were rare

TG: red eyes just werent a thing

"Rose has purple eyes," you point out. "Is that rare too?"

TG: yeah. i guess she aint the type to be insecure about that sort of thing

TG: honestly i dont know if that girl even left the house enough to get stared at or weird remarks from random joes on the street

You wonder if that's what Dave dealt with growing up, and empathize with the experience. “What color eyes did your guardian have?” you ask, remembering some rumor you once heard about eye colors being hereditary but stupidly _not_ remembering that you should probably stop bringing up “Bro”.

TG: never saw them

TG: but i guess i will in 3 years huh

You notice Dave is squinting a little as he looks around without his shades. You vaguely recall something you had read recently about human autism causing sensory sensitivities, and you wonder if Dave has sensitive eyes, or if it’s all just about insecurities.

“You can put them back on if you-” you don’t even get the full statement out before he shoves the shades back onto his face, settling them into place and taking a slow breath. You watch as he visibly relaxes, and can’t believe he would do such a stressful thing just to show you something personal about himself. Your heart soars with bright red pity, but since that’s a huge no-no you shove it down by thinking instead about what a horrible fucking friend you are to pressure him into doing that when he obviously wasn’t ready. You try to think of a way to apologize, or even thank him for trusting you, but he beats you to it.

TG: yo thanks btw

TG: i mean you were weird about it but not in the horrible way i imagined it going

TG: and for telling me about your caste

TG: i still dont get it but it seems like something you dont tell many people so thats rad

TG: cant promise ill keep it a secret though you know my mouth is always running. these lips could beat usain bolt in a 100 meter secret-spilling sprint

You panic for a moment, but then realize it’s a joke. You know he wouldn’t tell anyone even if he had a voice to tell it with. You laugh despite yourself, your first genuine laugh since the whole meteor journey started, and you’re even gifted with the most beautiful sight: the corner of Dave’s mouth twitch up a little bit as he watches you laugh.

TG: oh i see after all my comedic attempts that shitty line gets you going. i swear i waste my best material on you

“Shut up!” you roll your eyes, but you’re still smiling. Dave makes a sort of snorting noise.

TG: damn the loudest troll in existence is telling the mute guy to shut up. now thats fuckin rich

You chuckle more at that, but your laughter fades as the weight of that statement settles upon you. He’s right. You’re the loudest troll in existence, since you’re the loudest of your group and there’s only you five left. You get this feeling crushing you every once in a while, whenever you’re reminded that the planet you were born and raised on is gone. All of its inhabitants… billions and billions of trolls… trolls who had lives and futures and dreams and friends and interests and quadrants. They’re all gone. And you five remain. How unfair is that? Why you especially, who’s so damn incompetent you couldn’t even keep over half of your group from killing each other?

A hand touching your shoulder jolts you out of your thoughts which were quickly spiraling out of control again. You look at Dave, then down at your palmhusk and the many messages unread there. You must’ve not heard it buzzing.

TG: hey you good

TG: yo

TG: karkat

TG: kk

TG: dude

TG: earth to karkat

TG: or i guess meteor to karkat

TG: helloooooooooooooo

TG: dont make me touch you

And a new one pops up.

TG: what happened you okay?

You take a deep breath and nod. “Yeah yeah, whatever. It’s nothing." Hearing yourself say that, you pause. The whole point of coming in here was to demand honesty from Dave. He deserves honesty in return. So you correct yourself: "I mean, it's just the normal fucking 'last trolls in existence' anxiety."

TG: oh yeah

TG: sorry i brought it up

"No, it's fine. Really." You smile to show you mean it. "Are you hungry? Let's try to scavenge something edible.” You don’t wait for a response, you just turn and leave the respiteblock. This time, Dave follows you.


	6. But Wait, There's More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short transitional chapter here. Consider it a chance to catch your breath before the punch in the gut that the next chapter is gonna be... ;)  
> Man, the colored text makes it look like fucking christmas up in here!
> 
> No chapter warnings.
> 
> PS... HAPPY 4/13!!!

Weeks turn into months as everyone on the meteor falls into routine. You mostly stick to interacting with Dave, Kanaya, and the Mayor. It’s not like you actively try to avoid the others, you’re just closest to those three. You and Dave start having movie nights every night like clockwork, which are really nice. Sure, it’s fairly annoying how you have to keep looking at your phone when Dave wants to say something (which is constantly), and it’s infuriating how he almost seems to be putting serious effort into not understanding the quadrants and troll society in general. But the company is weirdly comforting, and explaining each movie either makes you learn to love them again or you realize that they actually suck. (You wonder if Egbert hates any of the movies in _his_ collection yet. Probably not.) Each night usually has at least one yelling fit from you getting upset about the movie or something stupid that Dave said, but every night you come back to meet him at the couch and pop another disk into the husktop because, honestly, it’s nice just hanging out with him like this.

It reminds you of the times you and Sollux would watch movies together using websites that synchronized streams. You really miss those times. You really miss Sollux. Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do this entire fucked up game session, and you think about him a lot, and what could have been. You always knew you felt something for the goldblood, but your heart could never seem to settle on one quadrant. He'd protect you by hacking into government databases, making you feel safe and protected, and then insult you 20 times in the same conversation, immediately flipping your feelings black. It was like you felt everything for him at once, and that alone scared you away from doing anything with the feelings. Part of you regrets it now, but the realistic part of you says that a relationship outside of quadrants like that is just not feasible or even appropriate in any way. Though, if you see a version of Sollux in a dream bubble you might ask what he thinks. Wait, no, that’s an idiotic idea. Leave these dream boys alone.

One day, you're having a casual conversation with Kanaya as you've been doing more often. It feels good to talk things out with her. It honestly feels more like a feelings jam, but you know she has a strong preference for females, so you’re never going to try anything pale (or otherwise) with her. You get on the subject of things you've seen in dream bubbles so far, and can't stop yourself from spilling out:

"A few months ago I met a dead Dave in one of the bubbles." You pause. There were a lot of things that happened in that dream bubble that you still struggle to believe. "He talked." Upon adding those last two words, Kanaya's eyebrows raise and she pauses in the middle of her sip of coffee.

"Oh really? And what happened with him?"

You already regret mentioning it, and want to push it to the side or take back saying anything altogether, since the scene was rather personal and embarrassing. But talking with Kanaya feels so natural, and you feel like you need to tell _someone_ the whole story of that event. It was a very overwhelming and confusing encounter, it's been driving you insane not talking about it with anyone.

So, you tell her. You tell her about waking up in the Earth field, finding yourself on a rooftop, meeting Dave, wearing his shades, hearing his voice. You almost describe its color, but hold back. You know she knows your blood color and possible abilities due to it, but it's still not a topic you like shining a light on. You describe to her the strange way that Dave behaved, the weird things he said. The secret he said "your Dave" was keeping, the hug, the kiss, the final remark. When you finally finish your tale and take a breath, you notice that Kanaya has been listening to you intensely this whole time. She's gotten more analytical of others since she's been spending all of her time with Rose, and you really hope she isn't doing that sort of shit now.

"That is indeed very bizarre behavior," the jadeblood says. "You described those final moments with him as if they were simply him playing a joke on you. Are you ignoring the obvious possibility that some timeline exists of a Karkat and a Dave being in a quadrant together and in that bubble you had met the latter half of that pairing?"

"What? Fuck no!" you shout, feeling your face heat up in anger and embarrassment.

"No, you are _not_ ignoring it?" she asks with a smirk, trapping you in her wording.

"No! I mean, no that's nowhere in any goddamn realm of possibility. The very chances of any bullshit situation that involves me, Strider, and any quadrant, are astronomically fucking low!"

"And yet they are not zero," she replies, unfazed by your temper.

"You know, there was a point in me telling you that story! And you know what the point was? Not fucking that."

"Okay. That will be discussed later then."

"Or never."

"What was the point you mentioned there being?"

"Right, yeah. I tried to ignore the shit he said about there being some sort of secret, one that only the Dave _here_ could tell me about. But it was driving me up the goddamn wall. I confronted Dave about it, and he took off his shades. I guess he's insecure enough about his stupid fucking eyes that it was a big deal for me to see them."

"I see," Kanaya states, obviously trying to hide her shock but not doing a great job at it. "And what was so special about his eyes?"

You almost tell her, but decide against it. It's a lame secret, but it is _his_ secret after all. "He'd have to show you himself."

"Ah," she smiles, "very considerate of you to hold onto his secret. He was right to trust you."

"Does that mean you were wrong to ask about it?"

"Perhaps."

Then you switch the topic of conversation to general thoughts or different, less personal stories. Even though you feel like you can tell Kanaya anything at this point, you feel good about not telling her the full truth of Dave's eyes. You're just being safe, even though you know her and you know she wouldn't talk about this conversation to anyone else.

  


Turns out you're wrong about that.

  


The next day, Kanaya approaches you while you're getting some food from the meal block. You have half a loaf of... something in your mouth so you can use one hand to hold open the fridge door and the other to rummage inside for shit to stuff inside the loaf. Or anything edible, really.

"Karkat?" she calls.

You grunt in response, similar to how Dave responds to being called.

"I have some information you might want to know."

_Why say something like that when you could, oh I don't know, just say the fucking information?_ you want to yell, but just settle for another " _what? _" grunt.__

"I told Rose about the conversation yesterday, and how Dave took off his sunglasses in front of you," she begins.

You quickly turn towards her, accidentally spitting out the bread. "You fucking _what?!_ "

"I told Rose what you said about Dave's secret," Kanaya repeats, calmly as ever. "She was rather surprised at Dave for revealing his eyes to you, as he has not even done that to her despite their closeness."

"Why do you insist on running your nooksucking mouth all over the place!" you shout. "That was a vulnerable moment that I shared with you in fucking confidence! Now it's some rumor being spread more than grubsauce on toast!"

"Calm down," she says, even though she knows using that phrase that only fans the flame. "Rose told me something very interesting about the situation."

You bend over, picking the roll up off of the floor and brushing off the dirt. You can't look that gossiper in the eye right now. "Is it so interesting that it's worth you violating my trust, assmuncher?"

"Well, you would find out, but if you are going to be so worked up over it maybe I should just keep it to myself."

You take a breath and roll your eyes, then land your gaze on her. "What is it?" you ask through gritted teeth, trying to keep your voice steady. You want to not care what she has to say, you really do, but when it comes to Dave- _no, stop that line of thinking right there._ When it comes to your _crew_ , you're still their leader, and you can't be kept out of the loop so much.

Kanaya takes a seat at the small counter, slowly folding her hands atop the table. She's drawing out the suspense, but your patience is running especially thin, and you're really about to fucking snap when she finally opens her mouth.

"Rose told me that Dave's eyes are not his only secret. There is more that he hides." Her jade words are polite but drip with _chisme_ (as Dave calls it).

You feel your bloodpusher begin to race along with your thoughts, wondering what in the world she could be talking about. Would Dave really give you only a partial truth? What more could there be to him that you don't know? You watched him grow up, for fuck's sake!

A few seconds pass as you wait for Kanaya to speak again, but you're just met with infuriating silence.

"Well?! I know you like to build tension more than a love story with the world's slowest burn, but Jegus Christ Kanaya just tell me what more there is!"

"Rose would not tell me."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was," she replies, face fallen from the smug smile she wore into slight disappointment. "She must like suspense more than I do. She refused to say more than that, no matter how hard I pressed into her regarding it."

"Okay, stop right the fuck there, I don't need to hear any more about your 'pressing'."

Kanaya's cheeks darken with her signature green. "Oh, I certainly did not mean-"

"Whatever, I don't give a single shit. Thanks a whole fucking lot for coming in here just to give me anxiety and ruin my appetite." With that, you leave the meal block, slamming that poor bread roll on the table in front of Kanaya on your way out.

Your thoughts are still drowning in an ocean of worry, complete with horrorterrors made of anger, fear, distrust, and confusion. You wonder again what else there could be for this guy to hide. You don't want to ask him and push him too far like you almost did last time, but you can't help but think: if he was _that_ hesitant to show you his fucking _eyes_ , what would it take to find out what else he's hiding??

  


Well, you find out what it would take about three weeks later.


	7. STRIFE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, our wifi went out here for a while! I really hope you like this chapter and that it hurts real good :') This is my first time writing a fight scene so please cut me some slack!  
> Keep leaving comments too, those make me so so happy, and have actually inspired some edits!
> 
> Chapter Warnings: dream bubbles, somewhat-graphic violent fight, descriptions of visible blood, blades (of swords), mild transphobia, panic attacks

The alert tone blares through the lab, and a familiar scratchy teal voice reports that the meteor is approaching a large dream bubble in a few minutes. You’ve gone through a few more since the one with Dream Dave, but tried to stay away from any ghosts you find. You want to avoid any more awkward encounters like the last one. So you're just going to stay in your room, you decide as you wait to enter the bubble. Sure enough, within minutes you find your respiteblock morphing into a landscape that you’ve never seen before, but looks similar to the forests on Alternia. You ignore it and go back to your book.

_Damn,_ you realize an hour later, _this is a big bubble. How much longer is left?_ Most dream bubbles only last half an hour, 45 minutes tops. The largest one you’ve gone through so far was an hour and a half, and it got really annoying really fast. The scenery around you blending into something new every once in a while keeps distracting you from reading your book, so you put your bookmark in the page and set down the closed novel. You stand up from your pile which is now a bunch of stones in a wasteland, and you leave to try to find someone else, specifically anyone who is alive and awake.

You venture through another forest which quickly melts into a red cityscape from Earth. You’ve never seen Earth outside of these bubbles, so you take your time looking around at the alien structures. It’s all so… metal. So fake and plastic. Nothing around here seems alive.

A shout from the roof of the building in front of you says otherwise. And normally you’d leave sounds like that alone, they aren’t your problem here, but you couldn’t help but notice the red hue of that shout. Maybe it’s just the bubble playing with sounds, or the redness of everything else masking the true color, or maybe you just imagined it.

But maybe you didn’t.

And that last “maybe” is what drives you to start climbing the impossibly tall scaffolding on the building. It would never be doable in real life, but here, you’re as light as air, and it becomes more tedious than difficult to reach the top. But eventually you do, and are hit with a huge wave of deja vu as you find yourself once again on Dave’s roof. And the scene in front of you is _horrifying_.

The first thing you notice is a large human man (or at least… masculine person?) who looks older and much stronger than the humans you’ve met so far. He’s wearing very skinny jeans and a white polo shirt that has its collar popped, indicating clearly that this man is a douchebag. He has a baseball cap on but you see spiked pale blonde hair sticking out the back and sides. Though it's his face wears the defining feature: black stupid-looking triangular anime shades. You’ve seen that shape so many times, and know what it means. This is Dave’s “bro”. He’s Dave’s guardian, he’s an abusive son of a bitch, and he’s...

He’s swinging a katana at Dave.

At least, you think it’s Dave. He looks more like how he used to look when you’d watch him previously in his timeline. Granted, your attention was more on Harley back then, but you did see old clips of Dave sometimes. And he looked then like how he looks right now in front of you. Long golden blonde hair, record shirt and a long gray skirt, an identical pair of douchey triangle shades, strange lumps on his chest like Rose has. It’s rather unnerving to see him looking like this in person since he’s changed so much since then, but it’s even more disturbing to see him with a sword in his hands blocking swings from his bro’s shitty katana.

From the looks of it, they’ve been strifing for a bit, and Dave is far from winning. He’s obviously breathing heavier, moving slower, and has about a dozen cuts in his shirt and pants. You can even see flashes of red in some of the holes of fabric, _blood!,_ and your stomach drops. Your fight or flight hasn’t kicked in, and you watch in horror for a few seconds as Bro deals an impossible amount of swings to Dave, most of which are blocked by Dave’s sword, others getting way too close to his head and body. One large swing hits Dave’s sword with a _CRACK_ as loud as thunder, but the noise that sounds louder to you is the clatter that half of Dave’s sword makes as it falls to the concrete floor a moment later. There’s a slight pause as both men look at the blade on the ground, then each other. This pause allows just enough time for the fight vs flight roulette in your mind to decide…

_FIGHT!_

You run as fast as you can, adrenaline speeding you up but the dream landscape slowing you down and making the rooftop stretch out further as you run across it. In what feels like slow-motion you watch as Dave instinctively drops to his knees and reaches out to grab the blade, and Bro raises his katana over his head with both hands, ready to bring it down with all the strength he has. Your mind isn’t running properly, it’s just repeating Dave’s name over and over and seeing the image of Dave’s bright red blood seeping out of his wounds.

You realize two things simultaneously.

Firstly, that you have no chance of getting there in time.

Secondly, that Dave isn’t aware that this is a dream.

The latter you figure out from how scared Dave looks, how seriously he seems to be taking this, and how he looks different. He’s obviously stuck. You don’t know if that means he can actually get hurt from this, but you don’t want to find out. He needs to know its a dream he needs someone to tell him-

“Dave!” you scream, louder than you’ve ever made your voice go before. Both Striders stop and look at you, noticing you for the first time. Both of their faces are expressionless, which is rather creepy. “It’s not real! This is a dream bubble!”

Theres another beat of hesitation, the only sound is your footsteps thudding on the rough ground. But then Bro, who had lowered the katana while trying to figure out what the fuck and who the fuck you are, turns to address Dave again. You hear him speak for the first time. His words echo, impossibly loud, across the city.

“You want to be a man. Act like it. Get up.”

His voice is low, controlled, and a very vibrant shade of orange you have never heard before. Dave carefully but quickly scrambles to his feet, gripping the handle of his broken sword in one hand and the blade in the other. He must be gripping it tightly in his fist, as you can see bright red drops falling from that hand. That sight alone does it for you.

You _finally_ run the final few feet closing the space between you and the boys. You put all your force into your arms and shove Bro with all the strength you have in you. Which in this case seems to be quite a lot. Bro gets flung a good few yards away towards the edge of the roof, skidding on the concrete until he hits the short wall that stops him from going over the edge into the abyss below. You are flung most of the way as well, landing on top of him, but not nearly as scraped up as he is at the end of it. Dave is somehow standing just a few feet away, looking weak in the legs, still holding a half of a sword in each hand and bleeding from doing so. You look at him, panting, then back at Bro, who seems at least mostly unconscious now. You rip off his shades and see dazed, half-closed, purely white eyes looking back at you. You pull one of the eyelids open more with your free hand and turn to Dave.

“See? He’s not alive. This isn’t really happening, Dave.” You try to keep your voice steady, but really you’re shaking. Dave is trembling more than you, and is just standing there frozen. You look at his shades, and a world-shattering thought comes to you.

_What if this Dave isn’t alive either?_

No, you cant think like that. You have to act like he is your Dave, just in case he is. You need to get Bro out of here. The sight is probably fucking with Dave too much that if he _is_ alive he can’t snap out of the dream state. _God please let him be alive and okay…_

You stand up with a plan you really don’t want to do. Not in front of him, at least.

“Dave, please close your eyes. Please don’t watch this.” You know for a fact that no matter how much pain and suffering this man caused Dave, this wouldn’t be a sight good for anyone’s mental health. He's had to see his guardian dead once before already...

You obviously can’t tell if Dave has is eyes closed or not, but you trust and hope with everything in you that he listened and did what you asked. Otherwise this might really scar him.

Turning away from him, you bend down, scooping up the large man in your arms using the amazing illogicality of dream bubbles. And then, as if throwing out the trash, you toss the garbage human being off of the roof. Then, you snap the dumb shades in half before flinging them off the roof after the guy. You don’t look down to see him fall or check to see how long the fall actually is. You climbed it, you know it’s enough to get rid of him for at least the duration of this dream bubble.

You turn back to Dave and see him in the exact same position. He looks frozen. You raise your eyebrows expectantly, then remember your request.

“Okay, you can open them.”

Since you still can’t see his eyes, you can’t know for sure if he had them closed during that. But you figure he did, since he suddenly drops both halves of the sword and falls backwards onto his butt. His hands are on the ground, and you flinch as you imagine the feeling of gravel in all those cuts. You quickly rush to his side, but you realize you don’t know what to do now. You want to check his eyes, but you don’t want to remove his shades or ask that of him right now. Then you remember the other easily identifiable difference between these ghosts and the humans from your timeline.

You carefully lay your hand on his arm as gently as you can.

Dave flinches as if you just stabbed him, and your heart breaks into a million pieces. But you hold on tight so he can’t leave, then start rubbing your thumb on his skin. His warm, alive skin. You breathe the biggest sigh of relief. He starts to get less tense, but he’s still trembling. Your bloodpusher bleeds red with pity, and you can’t help it, so you wrap your arm over his shoulder and pull him against your chest. He doesn’t resist or protest at all. With your other hand you pick up the hand he was using to grip the sword’s blade. The gash in his skin is deep and consistently dripping blood onto the rooftop. You freeze, never seeing another’s bright red blood in person. But you force yourself to get over it quickly so you can press your sleeve into the wound to stop the bleeding. You look up to check Dave’s face and see if doing that hurts, and see clear droplets streaming down his cheeks from behind his shades as he remains staring at the spot where Bro was laying. Those drops might be tears, you’ll have to ask him about that later. The thought of which gets you tearing up regardless, but you fight those back too, knowing you have to be the stronger one right now. You find yourself mumbling to him to try to calm him down further.

“Hey hey, shh it’s okay, he’s gone it’s alright, he’s not real, we’re on the meteor, on a dream bubble, far far away from him. You’re safe I promise.”

After a few minutes of your soft talking, _wow your voice has never been this gentle before,_ you start to see his hair change. It seems to grow shorter inch by inch while also changing color into his signature whitish-blonde until it’s the same length and shade as what you’re used to seeing. You pull away just enough to watch as his clothes seem to glitch into his god-tier outfit in the blink of an eye. His chest looks flat under the clothes now too. The wounds on his arms heal completely within seconds, but leave behind very faint pale scars, some of which you’ve noticed on him before when parts of his arms are exposed. You lift up your sleeve on his hand and find that cut gone completely, no scar or anything. You suppose that that one must not have happened in real life, which you’re very grateful for. Looking at Dave’s face, his triangle shades do the same glitchy motion to turn into his normal aviators, but in the split second of switching you see his eyes. Red irises, but the whites are bloodshot too, and you can confirm he’s staring at the Bro-less spot. Beside you, even the broken sword fades from existence.

The thunderous roar signaling the end of the bubble approaching makes you sigh again, grateful for this nightmare to be over. Dave’s appearance is entirely back to normal now, and he’s finally shaking less. You wrap both your arms around him now in a secure hug, and to your surprise he leans into it. You can feel his breath and tears on the chest of your sweater, but it doesn’t matter to you. All you can think about right now is making him feel safe.

You stay like that, holding him, for a minute or two until the edge of the bubble passes over you both. Then you stay like that some more. Eventually, Dave slowly reaches his hands down and pats his pockets. He looks up and twiddles his fingers in the way one would to access a sylladex. You pull away to give him a bit of space, a bit embarrassed for how long you were holding him for and just for the fact that you were holding him so close to you. He starts shuffling through his sylladex with more haste and frustration, and you wonder if there’s a way you can help.

“What are you looking for?” you ask. Then it occurs to you that he has no way of answering a question like that. Yes-or-no questions it is. “Are you looking for your phone?” He nods. You quickly pluck yours out of your pocket - you’ve been keeping it on you lately just in case Dave needs to get a hold of you quickly - and hand it to him with the notes app open. He takes a deep breath and closes his sylladex, taking your phone, brushing your fingers with his in the process.

His fingers are still shaking a bit as he types. He hands the palmhusk back to you a moment later.

dude i cannot thank you enough for that oh my god

im so sorry you had to see that though

any of it

just forget you ever saw me like that okay

Seeing _his_ quirk written in _your_ text color is very strange, honestly. But you don't care enough to change your settings right now.

“Don’t apologize, idiot, you didn’t do anything wrong. And trust me I’ll do everything I can to get the image of you bleeding out from half a million cuts all over you the fuck out of my mental photo album.”

He snatches the palmhusk from your hand, deletes his previous message, and types a new one. This time he just turns the device around instead of handing it to you.

not the bleeding. the other thing

and for the love of god if you tell anybody ill do to you whatever you did to get bro off the roof

You furrow your eyebrows, confused. What else could he mean? “What, your broken sword?” Dave shakes his head. You try again, “or your hair?” The human makes a frustrated groan at that and types again.

the whole thing dude. hair, clothes, what bro said to me

You go over Bro’s words again in your mind and try to stop yourself from shivering at the memory of his voice which was laced with evil. _‘You want to be a man. Act like it. Get up.’_ It just sounds like some terrible right-of-passage shit to make Dave think that the only way to grow up into an adult is to endure pain and fight back. Which isn’t how you mature. You’ve seen that first-hand.

Oh.

Wait.

Humans have weird things with sexuality, masculinity versus femininity, that sort of thing, right? Is he embarrassed for being more feminine when he was younger? Who cares? Well, humans do, apparently.

“Is it a gender thing?” you ask carefully. You don’t know how to handle this, since it matters so little in your society you aren’t used to someone making a big deal over it. Though, you suppose that’s what Dave experienced when you freaked out the first time admitting your blood color, so it’s only fair to return the courtesy, like a good, diplomatic alien.

Dave nods. You move from your kneeling position to sit next to him, your arms folded over your knees and all your attention on him. _Just treat him as you’d want to be treated if you ever talked about your blood._

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m lost here, so you can drop it and I wouldn’t know enough to think about or tell anyone, otherwise I’m all ears.” You’d heard Rose use that saying once and thought it was unique. Dave shakes his head, so you nod in understanding then sit there in silence. A few minutes pass, and you’re about to get up to walk him to his block, but he pulls your palmhusk back up, types something short, and lowers it. You raise an eyebrow, but don’t say anything. 30 seconds pass that feel like an eternity to you while in suspense until he looks away and hands you your palmhusk back. He managed to find the archive of the web and pull up a human website that displays at the top in big letters “transgender”. It’s a word you’ve never heard before, so you keep reading. It states that it’s an adjective and means “denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex”. There’s a sentence where it’s used in an example to describe a person, and several links below it to various other sites about the topic. You bookmark the page so you can read them all later, since this obviously means a lot to him.

But you’re trying to figure out _why_ this word means so much to him. Is he this thing? Is Dave transgender? How would that work?

“I’m just confused,” you try not to let the growing frustration come out in your tone, but you don’t succeed that well. “For trolls at least, we are born neutral, then pick a gender to grow up as when we’re very young. Did you choose the wrong one or something?”

Dave shakes his head and takes the phone back.

for humans its way different

cmon didnt rose give you a whole lesson on us yet

when we get expelled from our moms in a truly unique mammalian fashion we come out with one of two sets of parts. well theres exceptions to that but thats how it is for the majority of people

those parts determine our gender which for some reason affects our whole lives

which is pretty fucking stupid in the first place because they put weird pressures and limits on everybody for no goddamn reason

not to mention the people who feel a different gender mentally than they are physically

people like me

but that in itself is also a horrible thing to be because society says so

so i dont want to be a trans guy. just a guy

You read the messages twice, trying to put yourself in his shoes. Even in a society you know so little about, it’s still obvious how unfair that must be. And so much makes sense now. The vastly different appearance, the insecurities, Bro's words, Dream Dave’s words. It all slowly clicks into place. _This was the bigger secret._

“But honestly who cares what you were born as if you’re a dude now? Not that that entirely matters either, especially now that the only ones left don’t give a single fuck about old Earth taboos.”

well obviously. but just like how youre still afraid to flash your blood color around despite everyone here knowing and not caring at all, i cant just get over this overnight

god i hate this

lets never talk about my gender again okay this is worse than having a nice ol family reunion complete with swordplay that inevitably ends up harming a minor

“Yeah,” you agree. “You’re no less of an obnoxious douchey _guy_ just because you used to be an obnoxious douchey _girl_.” You stand up and reach your hand down. Dave places your palmhusk in your hand. You roll your eyes, pocket the device, and stick your hand down again. “Lets go see if we can alchemize any food that doesn’t make my stomach want to eject from my fucking body, come on.”

Dave takes your hand. It feels warm, soft, and scarily fragile. How humans evolved as such a thin-skinned species - literally and figuratively - you’ll never know. But for once you’re glad they evolved to be here at all. You pull the human up to his feet where he wobbles for a step but then finds his footing. Only then do you let go of his hand as heat creeps up your face. You and Dave walk side-by-side back into the lab.


	8. Give Me A Sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally at the end of the last one, but during editing I felt like it belonged on its own. So this is another shorter one, so sorry! *offers you some fluff as an apology*
> 
> No chapter warnings this time! Taking it easy on y'all.

After the awful dream bubble, you keep a very close eye on Dave for the rest of the day just to make sure he's alright. He seems fine, if a little jumpier than usual when things startle him. So you make a note to walk a little louder when you're approaching him, or clear your throat if he enters a room you're in, just so you don't accidentally scare him. He seems to be acting like nothing happened, and you're sure as hell not going to start another sappy heart-to-heart with him about it. So you're just existing in this strange limbo space of "we won't talk about it but I'll still be looking out for you" with the guy.

Three days after the incident, just when Dave seems to be fully relaxed and everything is back to normal, that godawful alert tone blares again with the warning of an approaching dream bubble. The announcement comes when you're just about to settle in for a nap in your respiteblock, but the piercing alarm shoots you wide awake immediately. You abandon the idea of sleep, adrenaline coursing through your veins as the only thought in your head is Dave and making sure he's okay. It's not necessarily that you expect him to meet another dead version of his guardian, but regardless you know the idea of being in another dream bubble so soon after the last one is probably freaking him out. You race out of your respiteblock, neglecting to grab proper clothes in the process, so you're running down the halls in just a thin t-shirt and shorts - proper sleepwear for when you sleep in a recuperacoon. You remember to double-check your sylladex for your phone when you're halfway to Dave's room, and are glad to find it there. There's an urge to be quick about all this because sometimes Terezi only notices and announces dream bubbles when they're literally just seconds away.

You slow down to a walk as you approach the human's door, trying to catch your breath. You knock and say Dave's name, as is routine so he knows it's you. You're still not sure how useful it is to do that, but you're going to keep doing it anyway just in case.

There's no reply within a few seconds. Could he be in the meal block, or asleep? He usually answers the door by now. Of course, your mind starts to fear the worst. You pull out your palmhusk quickly as your anxiety begins its usual spiraling dance.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

CG: HEY WHERE ARE YOU?

A moment later, the door in front of you swings open, and you almost jump out of your skin. Dave takes a good look at you and raises his eyebrows, his face turning slightly red. Then he looks down at his phone and starts typing.

TG: nice outfit

You roll your eyes. You never wear clothes like this in front of anyone else; you hate showing so much skin and the fact that your grubscars are almost visible through the fabric.

"Thanks. I'd say the same to you but you're always wearing the same dumb outfit."

TG: its a badass fit that self cleans and i got as a reward for dying and becoming a fucking god. damn right im always wearing it

TG: anyways whats up whatre you in such a hurry for

TG: am i missing some legendary catfight between some chicks is terezi holding vriska at swordpoint again

"What? No. There was just an announcement. We're about to enter a dream bubble."

Dave visibly tenses at that, but makes an effort to not show it.

TG: oh i mustve been playing my beats too loud i didnt hear

TG: so a bubbles on its way so what

"Jeez Dave I don't know I just thought we could, like, hang out during it or something. The last one..." You decide against finishing that thought, and instead put the blame on yourself. "I'm just sick of being harassed by ghosts. If I'm around you maybe they'll leave me the fuck alone."

TG: thats fair

Dave steps to the side to let you in, and you enter. You notice his turntables are lit up with different flashing lights, and his laptop is connected to the devices, with headphones connected as well that now dangle off the side of the table. Looks like he was in a hurry too.

You didn't really come in here with a plan other than to be by his side, but you decide now that you should try to distract him from the bubble whenever it decides to come up and wreak its havoc. So you gesture to his turntables, regretfully starting to invite him to ramble about his stupid passion.

"Want to show me what you were working-" You're interrupted by the rainbow membrane of the dream bubble rudely engulfing the room, taking all the walls and furniture, including the turntables, away. You squint at the brightness of the room you find yourself in, but recognize it nonetheless. "Whatever. We can just sit here I guess."

Dave is visibly anxious again, but follows your lead and sits on the floor in front of you. You're both looking around.

TG: yo you got any idea where we are

"Kanaya's respiteblock, from her old hive on Alternia" you respond. You'd know those dresses and fabrics and chainsaws anywhere. Plus, the True Virgo symbol on some of the clothes laying around is kind of a dead giveaway.

And from there, the two of you just start talking. He asks about Kanaya, you go on about her and the friendship you've had with her for sweeps now. How Sollux introduced you to her, how she's cared for the both of you, her role as a jadeblood. Dave seems to listen, and responds by sharing stories of people he knew who were similar, or how that's like his friendship with Rose. You wonder aloud about if that's different because they're genetically similar, but he explains how they didn't always know they were siblings. At this point, the setting around you changes again, this time into a human bedroom of sorts, with books and knitting supplies and various items littered around, but the main feature obviously being everything's on fire. You take a deep breath, knowing that it can't permanently hurt you as long as you know you're dreaming. You watch Dave carefully, but he seems unfazed. You want to ignore it and keep Dave distracted, but he answers your unasked question.

TG: now were in roses room go figure

Dave goes on to ramble about his sister now, telling stories about them pre-game and now mid-game. Or, is this technically post-game? You aren't sure what this point in time counts as. Anyways, Dave starts talking about how Rose is always trying to figure out new and convoluted ways for him to communicate, and he's kind of sick of it. He lists some of the suggestions she's had, and they're all pretty dumb.

"Damn, did she even recommend something sane like sign language before those idiotic ideas? ...Wait, do humans have sign language?"

TG: yeah we did

TG: youre right though its pretty messed up that she would invent all these bullshit ways to talk or point to letters on a board or move my fucking eyes to control an electronic voice but she never even asked about asl

"'ASL'?"

TG: american sign language

TG: american being the species of human i am

"'Human' _is_ a species, dumbass." After a pause, you hesitantly ask, "Would sign language even work for you?"

TG: what do you mean

"Like, would it have the same problem you have with speaking? Where the words don't make sense?"

TG: idk never tried it

"Would you ever?"

TG: nah

"Why not?"

TG: jesus rose idk

TG: sign language is kinda a thing that its not just for me to learn everyone else has to know it too otherwise im just waving my hands around all stupid which i do anyway

Being referred to as Rose in this way hurts. You're not trying to pressure him or anything, you're just genuinely curious. So you try to change your tone of speaking to reflect that.

"I think it's safe to say everyone close to you would learn it, too. And if anyone _doesn't_ care to learn how to fucking communicate with you like that, they don't deserve your time anyway. I know Rose and Kanaya would be foaming at the mouth to learn some boring shit, too, so don't worry about them."

TG: so you wouldnt learn it

"What? I didn't say that. Dave, you absolute moron, if I suggested it you don't think I'd learn it too? God what kind of pompous asshole douchebag do you take me for, of course I'd learn it!"

You notice Dave's mouth quirk up a bit in a smile as you say that. Those insults weren't even creative, you don't know what the hell he's smiling about, but your heart stutters at the rare sight regardless.

The subject changes again, and again, and again. You two never run out of things to talk about, because you can never stay on one damn topic for more than a few minutes. But soon enough, the short bubble ends, and the other side of the membrane passes over the room. You're sitting on the floor of Dave's room again, everything as it was before. You and the human both breathe a sigh of relief before you just keep on talking.

  


After that, some new routines begin. You start sitting through every dream bubble with Dave. It starts out being for the sake of his comfort and your worry, but ends up just being a normal thing you two do. Whenever there's an announcement, one of you texts the other to pick a meeting spot, and you regroup there and just hang out and talk while the bubble passes. The blaring "bubble incoming" alarm sound is no longer a trigger for anxiety, but a nice sound that signals another hangout session with Dave. You start to welcome the bubbles as an excuse to see him more.

Though, you're seeing Dave a lot more already, since after that conversation the two of you had you both approached Rose and asked her about the whole "sign language" deal. She was predictably very surprised but excited to start the project with the both of you. Granted it was her version of subtle, back-handed excitement disguised as sarcastic resentment, but you know that for her that's equivalent to a big grin and eager bounces. Kanaya wants to join in, too. It takes a few days to alchemize and accumulate a sweep’s worth of teaching material, but after that the four of you begin daily lessons. It starts out with the intention of Dave learning the movements and the rest of you just learning to read it visually, but you quickly figure out that it would be best to all learn the movements as a group. Learning through repeated practice and lectures and reading is very foreign to you. On Alternia, there's many ways of learning, but most wrigglers are school-fed information in a really grotesque way you don't like remembering. But the humans tell you that this way is how they usually learn in “classrooms” on Earth, or when they’re “homeschooled” like these two were. It’s a much slower process than how you’re used to learning, but it seems effective nonetheless. It makes you wonder if humans don’t learn like trolls do because of the lack of technology or the lack of mental ability. Probably both, knowing those primitive nookwhiffers.

There is an ~~upside~~ downside to learning and using ASL with Dave: you two are touching a lot more. He taps your arm, shoulder, or back when he wants you to see as he signs something, and occasionally one of you will adjust the finger/hand position of the other to correct it. For example, when you both were learning the alphabet, Dave kept making his “r” look like a “u”, and you had to repeatedly reach over and cross his fingers for him. He must be a slow learner, or just stubborn.

You two start getting more comfortable with contact anyway; he’ll sometimes lay down on the couch as you watch movies together and he’ll rest his legs on your lap as you sit there trying (and failing) to keep your face from flushing. The process of you and Dave getting more touchy is a process infinitely times slower than learning sign language, however. You two have an unspoken (or untyped, or unsigned) agreement to not bring any attention to the fact that you’re getting more affectionate with each other. You’re both careful not to say anything about it when it happens, laugh, look at it, or anything. When there’s subtle signs that reject the advance, the other stops right away. Like one time you were cold and half-jokingly wrapped yourself in Dave’s stupid cape, but he was squirming a little and kind of moved an inch away from you, so you went to grab a blanket instead. Turns out you don't always need words to say something.

It’s so much easier to talk to Dave now, too. He’s getting exponentially better at signing, and you’re getting better at reading it at the same pace. This allows for easy conversations while eating, or when one of you is away from your phone. He still seems to prefer text as it allows him to be more creative and it’s also what he’s familiar with, but something about being able to look at him while he communicates with you is really special. You're feeling more content now than you have in a long time.


	9. Romantic Miscommunication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll be a fun one, hope y'all like it!!  
> Also, in case you didn't know, I have a Twitter where I love talking nonstop about this writing process lmao @/KodaOfHeart
> 
> Chapter warning: (non-sexual) affection without consent

In a few days it will be the one-year anniversary of the start of this journey. It hasn’t been as infuriating as you’d expected, seeing as you haven’t thrown yourself into the void yet. At worst it’s been boring, like mind-numbingly boring, but at best it’s been… pretty nice, actually. You don’t want to call it _fun_ at all, but looking back at some of the times playing with the mayor or talking with Kanaya or watching Dave trying to rap with his hands have been pretty entertaining.

The other unfortunate effect of this trip so far has been realizing how lonely you are. Sure, you have a few really good friends on this trip with you, but you mean… romantically speaking. Everyone who could've somehow ever liked you in that way is dead and gone, and everyone _you_ like in that way is either also dead and gone or not interested in you in the slightest. At least you’ve mostly gotten over Kanaya, since seeing her happy with Rose and spending more one-on-one time with her makes her feel more like how the humans describe family and siblings and parental figures. You’re also somewhat over Sollux since you don’t interact with him barely at all. The only time you get to talk to him is in the dream bubbles, and even then it’s not really him. Yet it stings nonetheless every time you see him. Regarding Terezi and Gamzee… all you see with them is your failures at keeping stable relationships. Maybe it’s a good reminder that you’d be a shitty partner in any damn quadrant.

But it’s still hard. It’s still really fucking difficult to ignore your feelings right now as Dave fully rests his head on your shoulder for the first time as you watch a movie. He yawns, maybe to use as an excuse that he’s tired, and leans his side against yours. Your cheeks tint red right on cue, but you don’t dare say anything or even move. You just let him and try not to let yourself fall deeper for this dumb human who seems to be an expert at causing vascilation. You never know how exactly you feel about him. The feelings change so rapidly, and often times do this awful blending of quadrants. You don’t even like thinking about that because of how disgusting it is. _One quadrant at a time, dumbass. Or none. None would be fantastic right now too._

The room is warm. So is Dave. You’re very comfortable, the movie is playing soft music during a particularly filthy pale cuddle session between the two main characters (it’s amazing that Dave finds that normal and not completely inappropriate to watch with a “bro”), and you feel your eyelids get heavy. You aren’t exactly sleepy, just relaxed. The most relaxed you’ve been in a long time, actually. Another idea you’ve been reflecting on lately since the anniversary is approaching is how nice it’s been to not have real threats surrounding you 100% of the time. No drones, no active killers, no enemies to fight or anything. All that shit is on hold for another 2 years ~~unless someone decides to start killing again~~ , and that’s incredibly nice. Tough to get used to, you’re still on edge all the time, but it’s slowly getting easier to let your guard down. Especially around, uh, your really good friends.

Dave suddenly presses into you a little more, leaning his head down a bit to be closer to your chest. You keep your eyes closed, barely registering the movement in some distant part of your think pan. Then Dave sits up straight, and the cold of his absence snaps you back to reality. You look at him, confused and a bit concerned that you did something wrong. Now more aware of yourself, you feel a rumble in your chest begin dying down. _Oh fuck, were you…?_

“ _Holy shit,_ ” Dave signs (the first thing he learned was how to swear), his eyebrows flung way up. “ _You purr?_ ” He spells purr, not knowing the gesture for it. Your face heats up more than ever.

“What? No! Who gives a shit. It’s just a thing. They do it in these pale snuff films if you’ve actually been paying fucking attention, Dave.” You figure that maybe if you deflect it, he’ll forget about it and you can try to not do it again? You learned a while ago that Earth meowbeasts are the only creatures on that planet that purr and that the humans find it _cute_. Which means it would be embarrassing if they found out trolls do it too. Specifically if they found out from you doing it around them.

Oh, who are you kidding. You’ll never live this down.

You cover your face with your hands, not wanting to see what bullshit mockery Dave is signing or texting you. But for once, you don’t need to see. You hear. And it’s the most amazing sound you’ve ever heard.

Dave is _laughing_.

A full, happy laugh.

You know he isn’t laughing at you, because when he laughs at you he does it over text. Or he just roasts you like a cluckbeast. No, this is different. The blooms of red in his tone aren’t laced with any sort of malice.

You peak through your fingers and are now greeted with an amazing sight: the first time you’ve ever seen Dave really smile. He’s grinning and laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. Of course, your swallow your heart and get defensive.

“Go ahead asshole,” you shout, “laugh all you want. It’s a perfectly fucking normal thing to do! But you can’t look past your own stupid fucking species can you!”

His laugh dies down to a chuckle, with more giggles bubbling up as he tries to sign, “ _I’m not laughing at you. That’s fucking adorable. Do it again._ ” And with that, he quickly presses his ear up to your torso. Your blush deepens at him calling you adorable, and at his head being against your chest once again.

“H-Hey! It’s not cute! And its certainly not something I can just do on command, dumbass! It just happens.” But even with your shame and verbal protest, you don’t make any movements to get away or push him off of you. It feels nice having him against you, even if you really don’t want to admit that.

Since he’s below your line of sight, he pulls out his phone and texts you instead.

TG: fuck yeah its cute

TG: how do i get the motor running again

You pull out your phone, and are so glad he can’t see or feel your face after you read that.

“What the pissshitting fuck do you mean-!” you begin, but are cut off with another message that stops your words in their tracks.

TG: you said they do it in pale porn, so how do i do pale stuff to make you purr again that shits great

Reading a message like _that_ from _Dave_ of all people is making your bloodpusher hammer out of your chest, and Dave has his ear right against it, the bastard. Maybe it can beat fast enough that he’ll mistake it for purring and you can leave it alone.

“Dave,” you say slowly through gritted teeth, trying to keep your voice steady. “I’ve shown you a million movies depicting explicit pale scenes, you should really fucking know by now-” _that pale romance is still romance_ , you intend to finish, but are cut off by Dave sitting up and quickly cupping your cheek in his hand without any warning. Your eyes go wide, and the world seems to freeze. You’d probably think that Dave was using his time powers to stop everything, if you could think at all right now. But for once in your life, your pan is devoid of thoughts, leaving only a high-pitched squealing noise in their place.

If Dave notices your extreme reaction to the touch, he doesn’t show it. In fact, he might take your lack of movement as a challenge, since he tilts his head slightly in confusion and starts gently tapping your cheek with his hand. But it’s when he sarts making soft shooshing noises that you break.

That’s it. You come undone. Your eyes flutter closed, you breathe a big sigh, all your muscles relax, and you press your cheek into Dave’s hand in a sort of nuzzling motion. The purring starts up again in your chest without your say-so, but you’re so blissed out right now you barely notice let alone care. Seemingly far away, you hear Dave’s shooshing gradually turn into laughing, which is a confusing sound to hear from someone shoosh-papping you for the first time.

You’re not mad that Dave didn’t ask first before doing this. You’re not even worried about what he used to say about not being “human gay” and liking other guys. He probably changed his mind, and you couldn’t be happier that-

Then, as suddenly as it had started, all the sound and movement stops. Dave is tapping your leg with his other hand, and your eyes blink open slowly, dazed and completely horns-over-heels pale. The human removes his hand to sign, and the moment it leaves your face you want it back more than anything in the universe.

“ _Wait, Karkat,_ ” he signs, making the rather insulting gesture that's similar to _shouting_ that he uses as your name.

“Hm?” God you must look so pathetic right now with your blushing and purring and expression not unlike how Gamzee looks when he’s had a sopor pie.

“ _Isn’t doing that like kissing?_ ”

You shrug lazily, completely oblivious to why he'd ask that. “Different quadrant, but yeah. Pretty much.”

Dave goes silent for a moment, and you quirk up an eyebrow at him to push him on it. “ _Oh. I didn’t mean it, uh, romantically._ ” That shoves you back into reality. _What the fuck does he mean by that?!_

“What the fuck do you mean 'not romantically'?” Your voice is growing louder with each word. “In what fucking universe is that not romantic?!”

“ _Mine,_ ” the asshole simply signs back. He’s blushing now, which is kind of cute, but you’re too furious to acknowledge that right now. “ _It’s just my hand on your cheek, so what?_ ”

Your blood is boiling now. You’ve taught him about troll _romance_ for how long now? Over a year since you made attempts to go over it online too? And he still thinks doing something like _that_ to you is fucking _platonic???_ You start to shake in anger and you want to punch him right in his stupid fucking face, but, without thinking, your grab his face instead and smash your mouth against his. The press of his aviators against your face is really uncomfortable, but it barely registers in the moment. Dave freezes during the rage-fueled kiss that only lasts about a full second, and when you pull away his face is bright red. You look him directly in the shades.

“And _that_ was just my lips on yours. Totally platonic, right?” You stand up in a huff, mumbling a final “Go fuck yourself, Strider,” before storming off to your block. Dave doesn’t follow.

When you enter your respiteblock, you slam the door behind you and jump straight into your recuperacoon, craving the comfort and safety of it. You immediately curse yourself for going in with your normal clothes on, but you can deal with that later. For now, you just sink into the slime, barely letting only your face stick out the top. You sigh to yourself, but the sound turns into a frustrated groan. You clench your fists as you replay that scene over and over in your head. The sopor does a good job at calming you down, but you’re still really mad at that dumb human who likes to pull your heart in every which way. You can’t even say for sure if that kiss was pitch or just platonic revenge for his explicit pale advancement, mostly because you don’t think it should be possible to vascillate that quickly.

How could Dave be so utterly _stupid?_ Just treat you like that for the sake of his own amusement at hearing you purr, ignoring all your previous lessons about what romance is to trolls? And how that’s like making out but just in a different quadrant, which you've explained a million times but you can't seem to get through his thick goddamn skull? Actually, how can _you_ be so fucking idiotic? _You_ let yourself get too affectionate and _you_ didn’t set boundaries or stop him when he was obviously getting very pale without realizing it. Once he passed the point of platonic affection you should have said something, but you didn’t, and now you’re both in this mess. Although Dave _is_ being very hypocritical. How can he always be calling shit “gay” or “homo” but then going and doing shit like that? It doesn’t fucking add up. Dave needs to figure out his feelings.

And so do you.

And you’re going to stay right here in your block until you get the fuck over him.


	10. Help From Kanaya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all enjoying the fic so far!! I'm having a ton of fun writing it and even formatting it (yes this chapter was hell to format thanks AO3) haha  
> You want a close friendship between Karkat and Kanaya? You got it. Looks like fuckin' Christmas up in here...
> 
> No chapter warnings :)

Your impulsive dip in the sopor slime ruined your palmhusk that you had mistakenly left in your pocket, and you aren’t leaving your room to fix it, so you just chuck it to the side of the block and shut everybody out for a while. You decide not to leave your block _at all_ until you get over your feelings for Strider. That means no fixing your phone, no talking to anyone, no sign language lessons. You suppose you'll just have to make do with the food you have stashed in here since you vow to not go out and get any more.

The emotional quarantine isn't as bad as... okay, yeah, it is. You're bored out of your mind, lonely, and haven't been taking care of yourself at all. Plus, no matter what you do, you still can't get that shades-wearing asshole off your mind. Though you refuse to pay those thoughts any attention.

Three days after you locked yourself inside your block, your grumpy self-isolation is interrupted by a knock at your door.

“Who the fuck is it? And if it’s Dave, piss off,” you call out.

“Will you please open the door,” a familiar jade voice states in Alternian. It isn't a question.

You grumble as you get up from your uncomfortable pile of movie disks and crack open the door. Kanaya looks as radiant as ever. Literally.

The jadeblood looks you up and down and crinkles her nose dramatically.

“We need to have a discussion. But not with you rotten like this. Get in the ablution trap, we will talk there.”

You look at her incredulously. “We’re not gonna have a fucking feelings jam in the ablution trap.” Your reply is also in Alternian. You two have been trying to speak exclusively Alternian to each other, as all this English is making her afraid of forgetting the language. It's important to her to keep some parts of troll culture alive, and though you disagree, she's still a good friend, so you humor her. 

“I meant through the door, obviously. Now get going.”

“What do we even need to talk about anyway?” you ask, but as you do so you're already walking through your room straight into the ablution trap, with Kanaya following close behind. You neglect to grab anything before closing and locking the trap's door behind you. There's a moment of silence as you take a deep breath, not looking forward to whatever awkward chat is about to take place.

“Today is the anniversary,” Kanaya says through the door moments later. You groan and turn on the water to drown her out for a minute as you fill the trap and start to strip. You’d forgotten that that was today. There's been rumors of a sort of party being planned for the occasion, and you hope to god Kanaya isn't here to invite you to it or anything.

Once the trap is full enough with water almost hot enough to boil, you turn off the faucet and slip in. The sting of the heat feels nice. You wonder if Kanaya left.

“I want you to help set up the party,” her voice rings out. Nope, she's still there.

“Why the fuck is that my job? There’s plenty of other losers here who would love to try their hand at temporary interior decorating.”

“You need to leave your room eventually. This would be a good opportunity for you to do so. It would also be rather awkward if you did not show up. There is so few of us, your absence would be extremely noticeable.” You don’t answer. “Oh, your palmhusk is out here. By the looks of it, it somehow found its way into your recuperacoon. Is that why you have not returned any messages? We can alchemize you a clean one-”

“I don’t want a new one. I’m perfectly fucking content not having a bombardment of multicolored text in my face at all times, thank you very goddamn much.”

“I will make you a new one,” she says simply. You’re grateful for her despite how much she doesn’t listen to you. Sometimes you’re grateful _because_ she doesn’t listen to you. “Do you want to talk about what happened with Dave?”

“No. Why the fuck do you think something happened with Dave? 

“You two are not attached at the hip anymore. He says it is not a big deal, but I do not believe him. You have your fits but they do not last this long.”

Already fed up with this whole situation, you start quickly scrubbing yourself with soap Rose got you that smells like apples. The sooner you get clean, the sooner this ends.

“He’s right, it’s not a big deal! And if it was, it certainly wouldn't be any of your fucking business.”

“Red or black?”

“W-What?”

“The problem. Does it pertain to redrom or blackrom interests?”

“Damnit Kanaya, I don’t know! That’s the issue!” you finally admit. “And for him towards me it’s none. So it’s no use even talking about. There’s nothing going on besides me being a huge fucking idiot, so I’m trying to fix that.”

“By not talking to him.”

“By not talking to anybody.”

“Did you make a rejected advance?”

“No. Pretty much the other way around.”

“How could it be the other way around if he-”

“Because it's just fucking complicated, trust me!”

There’s a pause. “He seems to miss you.”

“That’s a lie.” Now you’ve started scrubbing your hair and trying (and failing) to brush out the knots.

“No, it is just an observation.”

There’s silence after that as you work on your hair, inevitably give up, rinse out the soap, and drain the trap. You look around for your… _oh goddamn it._ You groan at your own stupidity.

“Karkat.”

“What?” You’re looking in all the cupboards and shelves now.

“Do you have a drying rag in there?”

Your face heats up in embarrassment and anger. _Of fucking course she knows._ “I can make do.”

“What a shame. Because there’s a perfectly good one right here.”

“Where?”

“In my hands.”

Sighing, you open the door just a crack and just stick out your arm. A drying rag is gently placed into your hand, and you quickly pull it back in and dry yourself off.

“I suppose you need clothes too. Are any of them clean?”

“Y-Yeah. The ones on the human bed.”

There’s some more shuffling sounds, then a minute later, “Here.”

You crack open the door again and are handed a neatly folded pile of clothes, including a sweater, pants, socks, and what Dave refers to as _chonies_.

As you get dressed, Kanaya rambles for a bit about how you ought to let her make clothes for you, since she’s falling out of practice and the humans never want to change outfits and you can afford to wear new colors and designs for once. When you finally open the door, you find her sitting against the wall next to the door, waiting for you. She stands and brushes off her skirt. You want to hug her so badly right now, but you need to lay off the affection. You tell her a version of “thank you” in Alternian that has a much stronger meaning than words can express in English, and she beams at you. Pretty literally. She looks at your nest of a hair, tries to flatten some parts of it down, but gives up even faster than you did. She sighs.

“Come on, there is a party to set up,” Kanaya says with a gentle smile.

You let her guide you out of your respiteblock and into the common area where you and Dave watch your movies. Or you guess, watch _ed_. And who else would be here other than Dave Strider himself, taping paper strips to walls at Rose’s instruction. They both turn to look at you when you walk in, and Dave turns away almost immediately. Even from across the room you can see his cheeks grow pink. _No, stop thinking that’s cute. Dammit you needed more time in your block before seeing him again!_

“Rose,” Kanaya calls out in English, “would you please assist me in repairing Karkat’s phone?” Rose nods and walks over to the jadeblood, both leaving to the alchemizing room of the lab. Kanaya calls out behind her that she’ll only be a minute, and to just keep decorating without them. You sigh, something about this seeming not right to you. Like a set-up to get you and Dave together. But, you have nothing else to do, so you might as well try to help since you’re already all the way out here. You pick up some colorful streamers and start taping them to the opposite wall that Dave is working on. You don’t really care how you’re placing them, you aren’t one for decorating, and your mind is preoccupied anyway.

Even being in the same room as Strider is awkward as all hell. Is he as mad at you as you are at him and at yourself?

After a few minutes of hanging up shit, you realize it's actually been much longer than a few minutes. You keep going, but as your selection of streamers to hang up starts to run low you realize just how long you've been waiting for the girls' return. It begins to feel like you've been doing this for an eternity, and you wonder if that's how long it's actually been or if it just feels that way. Maybe Dave is dicking around with his time powers; you wouldn't be surprised. You turn around to ask Dave for a time check, and find the douchebag floating up high to tape plastic stars to the ceiling. They’re an ugly pale yellow-green color and you don’t know why he’s putting so many up. You fold your arms and roll your eyes despite no one being around to see your attitude.

“Strider,” you call out. He flinches a little bit and looks over his shoulder at you. “How long has it been since Rose and Kanaya left?”

He pauses to figure it out. Then he signs, “ _32 minutes._ ”

“And how long would it take to make a simple phone-repair alchemization?”

“ _Last time we tried it took 15 minutes to figure it out._ ”

“Christ,” you mumble under your breath, and glance over at the doorway they left through. Something on the floor that you hadn’t noticed before catches your eye. You walk over to it and discover your repaired palmhusk. In disbelief, you turn it on, and see a note in Alternian light up on the screen.

Good Luck With Dave

Message Me When You Are Finished Decorating And Cooking

_Great. Just fucking great. This WAS all a set up!_

You pull up your sylladex to captchalogue your palmhusk into, but pause when you see a bunch of message notifications start to pop up. You see some from Kanaya, Terezi, and even a few from Rose. But the long stream of texts from Dave catches your eye, and you can’t stop yourself from opening the messages. The first one dates back to just after the… incident.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 23:34 --

TG: wait dude

TG: lets just

TG: idk talk about this

TG: i didnt mean to

TG: fuck

TG: how mad are you 1-10

TG: 1 being you just left like that cause you had a mad piss to take

TG: 10 being like i should already consider myself a dead dave

TG: oh boy dream bubbles here i come

TG: seriously

TG: bro

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 12:23 --

TG: im sorry

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 18:07 --

TG: actually what the fuck is your problem

TG: doing that then storming off

TG: not answering me not showing up to lessons

TG: do you know how awkward it was to have rose and kanaya shoving their noses so far into our business because you didnt show up and apparently we are like their otp or something

TG: they said were never apart and thats more untrue than

TG: than

TG: fuck i cant even think of a decent analogy

TG: thats when you know im pissed the fuck off

TG: because you left me to deal with that while youre doing whatever the fuck in your room

TG: i bet you mad stink right now

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 22:28 --

TG: are you eating? no ones seen you in the kitchen

TG: actually dont answer that i dont care

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 03:20 --

TG: karkat

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 08:11 --

TG: dude

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

Then, one pops up as you get to the end of old messages.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] at 15:25 --

TG: hey

You slip your phone back into your pocket and just get back to work on sorting through the pile of decorations left for you on the sofa. The sofa where- _Stop. Fucking. Thinking about it._

But you can’t stop, not really. It’s been occupying your mind rent-free for three days now, and now that you finally have a glimpse into how Dave’s been handling it there’s no chance of thinking of anything else right now. He’s been having mood swings from the looks of it, not unlike how you’ve been extremely mad yet still worried about the guy for some fucked up reason. You wonder what he could even want to say right now. But because you have no idea what _you_ would say to _him_ , you’re not about to answer and find out. So you both decorate in the most awkward silence in all of paradox space.

A lifetime passes but eventually you both run out of decorations. You take a step back and look over the room: those plastic stars cover the ceiling, which clash with the pastel streamers asymmetrically placed along the walls, which _also_ clash with the striped pillows and blanket covering the couch. It doesn’t look _good_ but at least it can be called decorated. You check the time on your palmhusk and see that you’ve been going at this with Dave for two hours since you first checked, which was when you were reading the texts from Dave. You sigh and Dave floats over to you.

“ _Done?_ ” he signs.

You blow some hair out of your face. “No, apparently Kanaya wants us to make food too, as if we are the only two people on this damn meteor who can prepare for this pointless fucking party. But you can go back to your respiteblock. Or wherever. I don’t care. I was just gonna try to alchemize huge plates of food and use those.” By the time you’re done speaking you’ve turned and reached the doorway, not looking back to see if he’s signed anything else or to see where he fucks off to. You figure if you tell yourself enough that you don’t care about him and don’t want to be near him, it’ll eventually be true. So you leave.

And, to your surprise, Dave follows.

But you only figure that out once you get all the way to the alchemization room, boot up the machines, and turn around to grab some blank captchalogue cards. You practically run straight into the floaty bastard. You startle and hit him on the arm, but are careful not to do it hard enough to bruise.

“Gog, Strider, what’s the fucking point of you even having legs anymore? Start using them or I’ll tear them right off of you, you douchesquatting assmouth. Or maybe I’ll borrow Kanaya’s lipstick and do to you what she did to Tavros.”

“ _Jealous you can’t fly,_ ” he signs smugly. You didn’t think it was even _possible_ to sign with an attitude but he proves otherwise.

“No, you piece of shit, I’m fine with my footsteps sounding like a planet-wide thunderstorm.” You sigh. “If you’re going to stick around, start punching cards and try to make something edible this time. I know that’s hard for you, but just make an attempt.”

“ _As if you don’t also-_ ” You turn away before seeing the rest of that statement, grabbing a handful of blank cards and walking back to the machine to get started on the hole punching. Dave is admittedly better at alchemizing than you are, so you’re kind of grateful he’s here, but that doesn’t make it any less weird to be so close to him again. You see the hands that papped you, the lips that you kissed. Who knows what you two even are at this point. Still good friends? Sort-of friends? Just acquaintances? Worse? No idea. You don’t know what you are hoping the answer is, either. You know even less what _he_ is hoping that answer is. You wish you could just talk about it but it’s such a cliche cringey conversation to be like “what are we”. You almost gag just at the thought of saying shit like that to Dave of all people.

After a lot of trial and error but really only 20 minutes of time passing, you have successfully alchemized three large platters of food. One of sandwiches Dave said was good, one of grubcakes you like, and one of various desserts from both planets. Well, you don’t know if you can say you made food that’s tasty or even necessarily edible, but you _can_ say that you two successfully put this "food" into existence. Dave did most of the calculations to figure out which holes to add, which to subtract, etc, you focused more on the actual semantics of what you were trying to make. The two of you carry the food to the common room where you set them on tables you brought in from the meal block, and step back to look at your handiwork. It’s… something. Not a _party,_ really, but something. You pull out your palmhusk and let Kanaya know you and Dave are done. You throw a few choice words in there to let her now exactly how you feel about her little plan she executed to get you and Dave to make up. She responds back quickly.

GA: Are You Two Friends Again

GA: Or Something Else

CG: SCREW YOU. YOUR PLAN FAILED MAGNIFICENTLY

CG: IT WAS NOTHING BUT ALMOST THREE GRUELING AWKWARD HOURS OF SILENCE SO LOUD I’VE GONE DEAF.

CG: SO CONGRATULATIONS. YOU AND ROSE CAN STOP MASSAGING YOUR OWN BULGES IN PRE-CELEBRATION EXPECTING SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP BLOOMING BETWEEN ME AND STRIDER DUE TO YOUR GENIUS IDEA OF HAVING US BOTH DO USELESS DOMESTIC CHORES.

Kanaya doesn’t respond, but instead shows up with Rose in tow a few seconds later. They both give you a knowing smile and formally announce the party's beginning, to which you respond affectionately in the form of a middle finger.


	11. Afterparty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return voluntarily to this formatting hell to bring deliver this nice chapter to you, dear reader. And what do we have here? Just a couple of guys bein dudes. What a good, ahem, /bromance/.
> 
> No chapter warnings :)

The party is… lame, to say the least. It’s more like the 8 inhabitants of the meteor being forced to cram into the room like canned swimbeasts, with music playing in the background that’s a constantly-changing stream of songs of drastically different genres. Even Gamzee shows up at one point, and Kanaya is only held back for long enough to usher the clown out of the room. Terezi follows him out. Vriska, Kanaya, and Rose are all sat together talking in hushed whispers, but Vriska keeps looking at you and Dave to make sure you know that you are the topic of conversation. You're sitting in the corner attempting to read your book in peace, and Dave keeps switching between stuffing his face with food and doing god-knows-what on his phone. You're kind of sitting near each other, but aren't speaking or even looking at one another. Man, you really wish you didn't have to be here, and you're counting down the minutes until it's over.

Later, things finally start winding down. Food gets mostly eaten or declared inedible, boring conversations are had, and partygoers start getting tired. But then who else but the resident purpleblood walks back in. His arm is draped over Terezi’s shoulders, and to your dismay she looks like a mess, like she just drank her body weight in Faygo. Her glasses are god knows where, her clothes are disheveled and stained with various colors of soft drink. It’s a disgusting sight. You turn away just in time to see Kanaya spot them and instinctively pull out her lipstick and deploying the chainsaw in it. She starts it up, Vriska and Rose try to talk her down but have to yell over the roar of the chainsaw, and Terezi starts yelling just for the hell of it while Gamzee just laughs at the whole scene. The room has quickly turned into a cacophonous nightmare.

You spot a flash of red out of the corner of your eye and see Dave flashstepping away. You could swear you saw him covering his ears in that split second. _Sensory overload,_ you remember exists. You look around one more time, tell yourself that the girls can handle this, and follow Dave.

Your instincts tell you that he went outside, and peeking out the nearest door proves you correct. He’s sitting a few yards away from the door on the meteor’s hard gray ground, looking up at the sky. You look up too. It’s the same endless black as it always is, no stars in sight. The only thing visible is a dream bubble that the meteor barely missed. You watch the rainbow patterns on the outside of it as it drifts by, but can’t make out anything inside of it from this distance.

You slowly walk up to Dave, being quiet but not enough to startle him. You pause when you get up to him, not knowing what to say or what you're even really doing out here.

“Hey,” you blurt out, wanting to break the silence, “you okay?”

“ _Loud,_ ” is all he signs.

“Yeah. Sorry about that." You aren't entirely sure why you're apologizing. "Do you need anything?”

Dave shrugs. He pulls out his phone, and you do the same.

TG: you dont have to be here

“Trust me I’m not missing anything fun,” you scoff. “Would you rather be alone?”

He shrugs again.

TG: guess its inevitable huh

“What is?”

TG: talking about the thing

_Oh, shit. He wants to do this right now?_ You hesitate, then take a deep breath.

“We don’t… have to.”

TG: dude this talk is gonna fucking suck

TG: like more than worlds most powerful vacuum. or worlds gayest dude

TG: okay that last one i maybe shouldnt say right now

TG: but my point is its not like im bursting at the fucking seams dying to have this terrible conversation

TG: but its better than the alternative

“Alternative? Which is?”

TG: whatever the fuck weve been doing for three days

You sigh, resigned, and sit down beside him, very careful not to be touching him in any way. Luckily he seems to be fond of texting over signing right now, so you don’t have to look at him.

“So.” You don't even know where to begin.

TG: so

“I guess I’m sorry about… what I did.”

TG: you guess

“Well, you know, I mean I guess I’ll start by saying that. Not ‘I guess that I’m sorry.’”

TG: yeah

TG: its just

TG: consent would have been nice

You take a deep breath. “Yeah, ditto.”

Saying that seems to make something click in Dave’s head. Like now he’s starting to truly understand how his sudden shoosh-pap was the equivalent of a sudden kiss. Except, it was slightly different since you like Dave and he doesn’t like you back, so that’s why the signs of affection received different reactions. But he doesn’t need to know that. He doesn’t even seem to care about how you had reacted to the shoosh-pap in the first place.

TG: you seemed to uh

TG: like it

Shit.

TG: fuck dude i feel like such a pussy saying it like that and putting that out in the open

TG: i

TG: i just

TG: i dont know man

TG: its been bugging me this whole time why you seemed to really like it

TG: and what that even means

“I-It’s just a natural reaction! Fuck, Dave!” You try to think of a better way to defend yourself, but your thoughts are interrupted by another message.

TG: fuck me huh

TG: you sure there isnt more towards your feelings bro

TG: like just lay all your cards out on the table. all of them. til theres a huge fucking pile of cards right there on the kitchen table and now mom cant serve dinner until you clear off the cards but to clear em off you gotta go through each one and solve it or throw it away so you better get started fast before she preheats the oven

You politely wait for him to finish his absurdly-long message before punching him in the arm.

“Oh come the fuck on, asshat, you know I didn’t mean it like that!” Dave exhales out of his nose a little hard as a lazy sort of laugh. “I… I don’t know what you want me to say here. I haven’t been avoiding you because I’m taking the coward's way out of this conversation and this whole messy fucking situation, I just don’t know what to say. I haven’t sorted my thoughts out let alone put them into words. English ones, at least.”

TG: could you tell me in alien speak

“Alternian,” you correct, even though you know he knows it’s called that. “And you don’t even know the fucking language.”

TG: all the better to spill your guts in it then

Incredibly enough, he’s right. There’s so many more words and phrases in Alternian that express these feelings than there are in English.

So, you rant. You ramble on and on about how your feelings are blending into several quadrants with him or vacillating at lightning-fast speeds, how fucked up and taboo that is, how you miss the affection and how you two were starting to trust each other and how no one else has trusted you like that, and how messed up it is to still feel this way even knowing Dave will never return the feelings and how uncomfortable it is for him to even imagine being in a relationship with another guy. You even tell him about Dream Dave, and how that gave you so much false hope for some sort of… _something_ to happen between you two.

The whole time you’re talking, he seems to be listening. Or at least giving you the space to say your piece and get all your thoughts out in a sort of private way. You conclude your speech by admitting how freaked out you are about this whole situation, and how ashamed you feel because you really want to kiss him again. Damn, it’s the first time you’re fully admitting that to yourself, and you’re doing it out loud _to his face._ At least he has no idea what you’re saying, and this meteor is small enough that you’d know if he was taking secret lessons in learning Alternian. You take a long breath and go quiet.

TG: you got more to say or

“No, that’s pretty much all of it I think,” you reply, back into English.

TG: cool cool

TG: any of that you can say in english cause im hella curious

TG: especially about those things you said real fast or shouty

You give a dry chuckle. You can’t imagine actually telling him any of that, at least without knowing for sure that it wouldn’t drive him completely away from you. That would be the shittiest next sweep ever having to avoid him the whole time. Three days was hard enough on your bloodpusher, damn.

“Not really. Well. Not without knowing your side of it first.” You’re looking at Dave now, and he quirks up an eyebrow at you. You clarify, “Like, knowing how _you_ feel about… everything that happened. Disgusted, angry, neutral?”

TG: none of those really

TG: like i did feel all of those things and more these past few days

TG: christ i didnt know it was possible to have a whole amusement park on this tiny meteor but damn this roller coaster my emotions have been on lately proves me otherwise

TG: but its all kinda settled into this huge cloud of confusion

“Confusion about what?” you ask hesitantly.

TG: like

TG: i guess it never occured to me that youre like bisexual or whatever so its perfectly possible for you to have some sort of feelings towards me

TG: here i was the naive little straight boy that i am thinking that i can be platonic with the homies and all the homies will all just be platonic back

You open your mouth to protest and try to deny it-

TG: and dont try to say you only see me as a bro

TG: bros dont respond that way to bros giving them the equivalent of a kiss so french it just revived the entire fucking city of paris

TG: ...

TG: god damn i still cant believe i did that

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “You really fucking did.”

Dave turns towards you and signs, “ _I’m sorry, Karkat._ ” The more genuine apology dissolves a lot of your anger. You want to tell him he should be, it was way out of line to shooshpap you out of nowhere like that. But instead, you say…

“I-It’s whatever. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world I guess.”

TG: glad you think i got mad shooshpapping skills

You blush deeper seeing him say something like that. “Well, it was still very obvious you’re a beginner, so don’t stroke your ego enough to fill a pail.”

TG: mustve been pretty damn amazing if you leaned into it so much like a fucking cat getting its cheeks brushed. if it was that bad you wouldve pulled away

You think about that for a moment. It brings up an interesting point that’s been simmering in your pan for days.

“Well, you didn’t pull away either.”

TG: liar i stopped right as i realized what the papping meant

“I'm not talking about the papping."

A bright pink hue crawls up Dave’s face into his cheeks. Your pusher does a little flip over it.

TG: that was just cause i was shocked

TG: didnt expect it is all

TG: ive never been kissed before

“And I’ve never been shooshpapped before!” you reply angrily. Somewhere in your brain it registers that you were his first kiss. That knowledge is doing funny things to your mind and heart, even though that’s pretty messed up of you.

TG: oh shit really

“Yes, really, you moron. So we’re even there. Also even in the fact that neither of us resisted.”

TG: stop taking lessons from rose on how to overanalyze everything i do jesus christ i stay still for 0.96 seconds and suddenly it means something

“I’m just saying! Would you have been frozen like that if someone like Gamzee suddenly kissed you?”

There’s a deafening silence between the two of you.

TG: i guess not

TG: man whyd you make me think about something like that fuck you

TG: i dont know dude

TG: i honestly have no fucking clue whats going on with me or how im feeling

TG: im probably just really lonely on this rock thats all

“Then you’d probably would have been making something work with Terezi or even tried talking with Vriska or Kanaya, don’t you think? I'm not the only available one here.” Dave huffs in response. “Look, Dave, I’m not trying to convince you of anything here. I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling either.”

TG: i know

TG: maybe we just gotta take some time to figure shit out

TG: embrace our inner heart players you know

TG: cause i sure as fuck dont want to rush into any sort of conclusion and fuck up the next two years were stuck together on this tiny pebble

TG: id rather spend the next two years figuring ourselves out if it takes that long and knowing us it probably will cause were both stubborn assholes with fears and insecurities. and id face the condense right now over facing those but i guess we got nothing but time to do it now

“And until then…?”

TG: bros for life

“Okay. Yeah, yeah that sounds good. We gotta be on the same page before deciding anything, you’re right. Let’s give it time.” You take a deep breath. Yeah, you think you can handle two more years of this. It’ll give you and him time to think, and time for you to work on getting over him a little bit to the point where it wouldn’t hurt if he never becomes a quadmate to you. So you stand up and hold out your hand. “Ready to go back in and help clean up? I’ll go first and make sure there aren’t clown guts everywhere.” Dave nods and takes your hand, making both of you blush a little deeper, but you let go the second he gets to his feet.

“ _Yeah I’ll go back in. But you’re funny if you think I’m going to clean._ ”

As promised, you lead the way, and upon seeing no purple blood covering the floor or walls, you gesture for Dave to follow, and he does.


	12. Be My Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Down to the last few chapters! I'm getting emotional y'all. Enjoy this fluffy chapter, then the next one will be the ENDING, with chapter 14 being a little epilogue. How will it end??? Let's find out...

Amazingly enough, things return to the way they were pretty quickly. Right after the party, you two had retreated to your respective rooms, just for Dave to message you about half an hour later asking if you had any movies to show him. And, just like that, the movie night routine had started back up. Being beside him on the couch went from awkward to natural within minutes after he cracked some stupid joke about the cover on the movie case, and you were so relieved to get back into the swing of things with him. Granted, you’re both less physically affectionate now, but hopefully it’s something you can both work towards.

About a month later, you have the genius idea of actually going _outside_ the lab and taking a walk. Dave tags along, and just like every other time you hang out you two talk about nothing and everything at the same time. He’s getting better at signing quickly, so it’s a challenge for you to keep up, but it’s a challenge that you accept because you won’t let him beat you at anything. He may be god-tier but you’ll always be his god. Which is… becoming a very strange thought whenever it crosses your mind lately. You wonder if any previous gods ever dealt with shit like this. Probably not.

An annoying thing about the walk is that Dave keeps getting bored of walking and starts floating beside you, which bothers the shit out of you so you keep pulling his sleeve down until he uses his feet like a fucking normal person. Eventually you do that enough times that the topic changes to the perks of being god-tier, specifically flying. It’s not a conversation you’re enjoying, as the mere mortal that you are.

“Do you ever listen to me? Yes, dipshit, for the last time all trolls would get wings upon ascending to god-tier,” you’re saying with rolled eyes.

“ _Even you?_ ”

“Oh my god! Yes! What part of ‘every troll’ do you not understand?!”

“ _What would your wings look like?_ ”

“I don’t fucking know. All I know is they match our blood colors. So, candy red for me.” You’re getting a lot more comfortable talking about your blood around Dave, which you would’ve never thought possible. He just never makes you feel judged for it at all. He ignores it, but in a respectful way where he doesn’t mock you when you do feel weird bringing it up.

“ _Damn, even I don’t get bright red wings. That’s bullshit._ ”

“You don’t need any more accessories to make you look like a tool, Dave. Trust me.”

“ _We could race._ ”

“What, right now?” You stop walking. Fuck that idea, he is way too advantaged by having god-like abilities such as flight and stamina.

Dave stops too. “ _No, idiot, if you had wings. We could fly around and you could watch me kick your ass in flight like I do in everything else._ ”

“Oh fuck right out of here!” you yell, but he knows you’re not really mad. You cross your arms. “You’d be better at it for the sole reason of actually enjoying flying enough to get practice doing it.”

“ _What, you wouldn’t like flying?_ ”

“Hell no. My feet are staying planted firmly on the fucking ground, wings or no wings.” And with that, you continue walking. Dave doesn’t immediately walk beside you, but waits a moment before approaching from behind.

Then, without any warning, Dave hooks his arms under your armpits and lifts you up a few inches off the ground. You immediately scream out, thrashing around until he drops you back onto your feet. The whole amount of time you were airborne was probably about a second or two, but it was terrifying enough to get your heart racing and your breaths coming out short and fast. You face him, growling, and try to catch your breath.

“What… the actual… shitting fuck… Strider?!” you shout. Dave is nearly doubled over in laughter, a sound you still love but seems to only emerge at your expense. You angrily start walking away from the human. When you feel a hand on your shoulder a moment later you nearly jump out of your skin and whirl around. “Leave me alone! You are _not_ pulling a fucking stunt like that again on me!”

“ _Wait, hold on, I didn’t mean to actually freak you out._ ” He looks genuinely concerned now. “ _Did I?_ ”

“No, it’s just suddenly every touch on my body feels like red hot flames eating away at my skin,” you respond sarcastically. “Fuck off.” You turn to leave, but Dave grabs your sleeve to stop you.

“ _I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were seriously afraid._ ”

“I like feeling like I’m safe on the ground and not like I could fall to my death any second, so yeah, I’m a little fucking averse to being in the air.”

“ _Can I help?_ ”

“What?”

“ _I can hover you just an inch above the ground to make you less afraid of flying. It’ll be fine. No falling to your death._ ”

You bizarrely consider it for a moment. Then, your sense kicks in. “Hard pass.”

“ _Please! Come on. Now I’m hooked on the idea of flying you around._ ”

“Hey, you just offered to hover me an inch, not ‘fly me around’!”

“ _We can do either._ ”

“Or we can do neither. How’s that?”

“ _Dude there is literally nothing else to do here. Let me do it once please!_ ”

You groan, dropping your face into your hands. You don’t want to, but he does, and that means he won’t stop asking until he gets his way. And, in all honesty, you _do_ trust him to not let you die. Even with all his joking around, you know he would never put you in real danger.

When you peek back up, you can tell by his excited expression that he already knows your answer. But when you groan and say “Fine,” he still practically bounces in excitement. “But if you let me fall, Strider, I swear…”

“ _I won’t, I won’t, I promise!_ ” And with signing his promise, he holds out his pinky finger. Rose taught you once about these strange “pinky swears”, where locking little fingers symbolizes a promise somehow. It’s weird, but admittedly kind of cute and very human-like, so you roll your eyes and wrap your little finger around his. You don’t know how serious this ritual is for humans, but you hope it’s very, since it’s your safety on the line here.

“ _So, I’m just gonna pick you up at first. Then I’ll fly once you’re steady. Okay?_ ”

You take a deep breath. Fuck, why did you agree to this? Is it too late to turn back? But you just nod, deciding to give it a chance first before you cluckbeast out.

Dave nods and steps towards you. He signs one last message: “ _Trust me._ ” Then he places his left arm behind your back, bends down a little, puts his right arm behind your knees, and looks up at you once more. Seeing him looking up at you from that angle is a little… intimate, and you feel the blood rushing to your cheeks. But nothing can compare to the heat in your face when Dave gives you a little smile and swings his right arm up, flipping you backwards but catching you with his left arm, and finally grunting a bit as he stands up with you successfully scooped up in his arms. You throw your arms around his neck as a reflex, trying to grip anything to keep you from falling. His arms feel sturdy and surprisingly safe under you, but you’re still feeling a bit dizzy from having literally your entire body touching him and your faces being only half a foot apart.

He’s looking at you expectantly, and at this point you realize something you’re kicking yourself for not asking about earlier, _how the fuck is he supposed to talk to you during this?_

Time for the guessing game of his microexpressions and small noises again, if he decides to make any. “I-It’s fine,” you stutter out, assuming his question was how you feel right now. Dave smiles a bit at this, and you feel… something. You look down, and to your horror see his feet an inch above the ground. Your grip on the boy tightens, but he makes a little _tck tck_ sound that you’ve learned to mean “ _look at me_ ”. You tear your eyes away from the ground and look at his face. He gives you a small nod, and you don’t know exactly what it means, but you nod back all the same.

With whatever confirmation or consent you just gave him, he starts leaning forward towards a more horizontal floating position, still holding you tightly. You wonder how he has the strength to hold you like this, but conclude that it must have something to do with the god-tier powers. He lowers you all the way until, as promised, you’re just an inch above the ground. The position of his arms to cradle you under him like this is really weird though, and it must not be comfortable. You look from the ground to his face, and he’s watching you carefully.

“Okay, yeah, cool, I’m off my feet, big fucking deal! I don't see how this is so incredibly fun that you begged me to do it, but whatever, you can stand up now!”

Dave slowly starts adjusting back to floating vertically, but then he stops. You look down, and, no, his feet aren’t planted on the rocky gray ground of the meteor yet. You look at him to ask what the hold up is. But before you can speak, he gestures his head upwards with a question sound. Your eyes go wide at the unsaid question.

“U-Up? No, wait, hold on, don’t you fucking dare go-!” your babbling is cut off by Dave shooting up into the air. You hang on as tight as you can, closing your eyes and tucking your head in against Dave’s chest. You can hear his heart beating quickly, and it sounds similar to a troll's heartbeat except a much deeper tone. He seems to have stopped moving, so you cautiously open your eyes and look over and- _oh god._ That was a HUGE mistake. You’re maybe 10 feet off the ground, which looks like a fatal fall from here. You let out a frightened squeal, and turn your gaze up to Dave to scream at him to put you down. But, when you look up at him, he’s beaming at you. You’ve never seen him look at you like that before, with such glee. Your worries seem to vanish out into the void, anxiety melting off of you with every second you look at his handsome face. _Fuck, wait, no, stay platonic you asshole!_ You rip your gaze away and look back out around you, some of your nervousness returning with the reminder of the situation you’re in. You glance back at Dave, and he raises an eyebrow at you.

“I’m… fine here, I guess. It doesn’t make you any less of a douchebag for doing that, though!” The anger in your tone comes out the furthest it could be from sounding genuine, since looking at his face again makes your heart soar higher than this dumbass ever could. You end up failing to hide your smile, which makes Dave break out into an even wider grin at you. He grips you a little tighter and takes off flying in some random direction. You instinctively hold onto him for dear life, eyes closed out of fear again. But after a moment of the wind whipping past you, you open your eyes again to watch you both glide around. It’s scary as all hell, but also the most fun you’ve had in… probably ever, honestly. It’s _thrilling_ being up here, coursing through the empty skies with Dave. He obviously keeps the both of you close enough to stay within the atmosphere and gravitational pull of the meteor, but other than that he rises and dips with almost reckless abandon. You’re hyper-aware of his arms holding you up and his chest against you keeping you sane and steady.

You find yourself laughing, having pure, raw fun for the first time. It’s not the ever-terrifying hellscape of Alternia, it's not the long confusing and grueling quests within Sgrub, and it’s not the boring mundane routines of normal meteor life. This is so much different than everything you’ve lived through. On Alternia, you could never afford to show your face in public enough to go to one of the carnivals around town, so you never got to experience anything close to fun adrenaline like this. It feels like you're in danger even though logically you know you're pretty safe. Yet your heart is racing and your body feels electrified, as if you were in the heat of battle. It’s _amazing,_ and you couldn’t be happier.

The two of you eventually near the roof of the lab after orbiting the entire meteor twice, but Dave stops for a moment, just hovering. You look at him, not even really caring if it ends here or if he keeps flying you around until the end of the three-year journey. Miraculously, the position in the sky and angle he’s stopped at allows one of the lights illuminating the rooftop to shine through his shades, allowing you to vaguely see his eyes through the dumb aviators. His gaze is scanning your face, and you eventually lock eyes. You’re both breathing heavily, and holding each other as tight as you were when he was flying at top-speed and top-height. You get the feeling yet again of being completely lost in your feelings for this boy, your heart pumping out many red hormones straight into your brain. Your line of sight lowers to Dave’s lips, looking soft and plump and tender and right in front of you... a quick glance up reveals his eyes are focused on your mouth too… your focus returns to his lips, reminding you how they've already touched yours... you _swear_ he leans in a little bit as well...

But in the blink of an eye, the moment stops. Dave’s body goes rigid, and he looks away from you, making his eyes obscured yet again. He swallows hard and clears his throat, then floats over to the roof and gently sets you down onto the freezing concrete. His face is bright red, and you’d be willing to bet yours is too. Being out of his arms gives you a cold and empty feeling that you hate. You want nothing more than to climb into his arms again, but from the way he awkwardly sits next to you and immediately starts fluttering his fingers tells you that he would definitely not appreciate that.

You immediately feel really goddamn stupid again. _Really? After everything that's happened you honestly thought he'd just kiss you here and now? And you'd just become matesprits and live happily-ever-fucking-after?! God, you are so pathetic._

You laugh to force the self-deprecating thoughts to shut up and to try to relieve the tension in the air. Dave finally looks at you again.

“Nice flying, jackass. I’m alive, but only barely.”

He seems to relax a little. “ _You looked like you were having fun._ ”

Huh, deja vu. You want to mention the parallel to their previous rooftop conversation, but don’t want to make him uncomfortable again, you instead just wave him off. “Whatever. Thanks for being my wings, I guess,” you smile, trying to be sweet. But then you hear the words leave your mouth and groan. “God, did that sound stupid?”

“ _Really stupid, yeah,_ ” he confirms with a smile.

You slug him in the arm gently, and the two of you chuckle, everything back to normal already.

  


But later, you lay awake in your recuperacoon all night long, wondering if he _did_ in fact lean in too.


	13. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it, guys. To the end of the main story. The next chapter will be an epilogue and will take place much later. I really hope that you all are happy with this tale so far, and that this chapter is satisfying. Tell me what you think in those comments down below :P

Ever since the last incident during movie night, you’ve been careful to pick out movies that only include couples of opposite sexes. You're worried about making Dave uncomfortable or looking like you’re trying to drop hints, so you figure it's best to avoid all other films altogether. You hate how much you’re thinking about this, and wonder if he’s thinking about it this much too or if he’s put it on the back fireplate. Probably the latter, you’re most likely just obsessing over it like the asshole you are. Seriously, how hard is it to let something like this go? You've never been so hung up on anyone like this before.

Then again, you've never had this many close-calls with becoming someone's quadmate.

  


It’s been about two weeks since the flying lesson, and you both haven’t really brought it up since. No matter how badly you want to do it again, Dave’s comfort means more to you. And he definitely wasn’t comfortable with how that one ended, so you’re afraid to even mention it again. So you just don’t.

Tonight’s film you chose is one about a male troll and female troll who keep vacillating and are never in the same quadrant for each other at the same time. It’s pretty entertaining romcom and a good example of what different quadrants look like. You pop it in the husktop and settle back down on the couch. Dave is sitting beside you, neither of you touching. However, you do both share a large blanket that Dave had alchemized last week since he was sick of getting tangled in a mountain of blankets each night as you fought over them. The fabric draped over you now is unnaturally warm and soft, and is made out of something called _fleece_. You had thought "fleece" was an annoying bug found on some animals on Earth, but you guess you stand corrected. Or sit, rather. Your legs are curled beneath you, as you want to lay down but don't want to make things awkward again by initiating affection like that. It's weird enough being under the same impossibly fluffy blanket with the human and you do _not_ want to make it worse.

About a quarter of the way through the movie, one of the side characters looks familiar and you wrack your brain trying to figure out what other works he could've been in. After a few infuriating minutes of staring intensely at his face and analyzing his horns, you finally recall that he was in some scene in some movie where he has an affair with the main character. Victorious in your memory recollection, you can continue watching, more relaxed now.

However, as the main character of this movie meets said side character, you realize with horror that _this_ was the exact film you just remembered. And that the scene in question is one where the male troll has this side fling with another male troll and they spend a whole scene making out, purely flushed for each other. You had stupidly decided to not read the whole film title before playing it, and had totally forgot this scene was in this movie. But thinking of it now, you’re remembering that this is the very reason why you rarely re-watch this one anyway; you think the affair is totally useless as it never becomes relevant to the plot and you never understood why it’s even there. Maybe its purpose is to just fuck you over right now, as if the director had that kind of foresight and hatred for you. And frankly, after everything that's happened, that seems believable and pretty unsurprising.

Quickly trying to remember the entire film, you try to think if that scene is coming up. And sure enough, it's only a few minutes until it starts. When it does, you try to just act like it’s normal, not look at Dave, and just think of how the scene will pass soon. You're ready to power through this awkwardness, but once the blueblood shoves the goldblood up against the wall in red-hot romantic passion, you snap.

"Do you wanna skip this part?" you ask quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth in a few octaves too high. 

“ _No, why?_ ” he signs without looking at you. He definitely wins no awards for eye contact on any other day, but he usually at least tends to turn towards you to sign. You try to keep looking casual, shrugging and clearing your throat to talk normally.

“Nothing. It’s just unnecessarily explicit.”

“ _You’ve showed me worse._ ” he replies. You cringe at the thought, and drop the subject.

And with that, the scene plays on, making your cheeks likely dusted with pink. You want to look over and make sure Dave is okay but you also don’t want to bring attention to it. So you have nothing to do besides face this endurance test head-on.

The scene lasts an eternity, and when it finally ends you breathe a quiet sigh of relief. The film returns to the normal stream of slapstick comedy and funny mishaps, so now you try to relax again. An odd flapping noise coming from your right grabs your attention, and you look over and see Dave flapping both his hands and bouncing his leg. That's immediately a red flag for something being wrong, as he only stims like that when he’s really anxious, which never happens during movies. You can’t even remember the last time you saw him stimming during a movie - it happens mostly during dream bubbles or random days that you find him pacing his room and fluttering his fingers or waving around his whole hands. He does it sometimes while listening to music too, but never in relatively calm environments like this. Stimming this much is almost always a sign that something’s bothering him. The obvious answer is that terribly awkward scene you two just sat through, but god you really hope that isn't it. You don’t want to be making him really anxious just because you can’t remember your own movies you’ve seen a million times, or read a whole goddamn title. You take a deep breath, knowing to approach this calmly or else you'll just make it worse.

“Hey Dave, you okay?” you ask gently. Dave nods. “Need me to get you anything?” You’ve made a mental list of every physical item that calms him down, this includes certain blankets, “stim toys” Rose alchemized, headphones, and comfort food like apples. Dave doesn’t respond, so you start listing things off that list one by one, remembering that when he’s anxious he responds better to yes-or-no questions rather than open-ended ones. Dave shakes his head to each option.

“ _I’m fine,_ ” he signs with shaky hands. You're unconvinced but still leave it be, nodding in an unspoken way of saying that he can tell you if he changes his mind, and you turn your attention back to the film. You keep an eye on the human, though, to make sure he doesn’t go into a full panic. You desperately want to know what happened or what could fix it, but if he won't tell you then he won't tell you. You've seen what pushing the subject does and like hell would you do that again.

The rest of the movie consists of some basic "heterosexual" quadrant-related comedy that's being watched by an audience consisting of one boy who keeps fluttering his fingers around and another who can't focus on the film at all. You keep worrying about Dave and about his anxiety not seeming to calm down, but that results in you getting stuck in your spiraling thoughts over and over.

It's during the final scenes when your palmhusk buzzes.

TG: hey

You look over at Dave questionably. “Hey?”

TG: im having trouble

TG: uh

TG: figuring shit out

Your heartbeat stutters a little. He’s really talking about _that topic_ again so soon? _No, stop getting your hopes up, it must be something else._ “Figuring what out? The plot? I thought it was pretty obvious, so much so that this could pass as an Earth film if you edited out the horns. But I guess if you’re really that dense in the head I could-”

TG: no dumbass not that

TG: what you did two months ago

No way in the furthest ring would he be bringing that particular subject up right now, and so directly. So you give him a confused expression and the benefit of the doubt.

“You really expect me to remember a ‘thing’ I did two months ago?”

TG: cmon dude dont make me say it

You respond with nothing more than a raised eyebrow. 

TG: fine fuck you

TG: the kiss the time you kissed me the night that ended in you grabbing my face in your grubby little hands and mashing our mouths together

TG: that shit you asshole

“Oh. That shit, yeah," you stammer out, your face burning hot. You really were not ready for this talk to happen for another sweep at least. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”

TG: not really

“O...kay? So why’d you bring it up?”

TG: could you

TG: uh

TG: ...

TG: fuck this is gonna sound so stupid

TG: could you do it again?

Your eyes go wide, and you read the messages over and over to make sure you’re reading it correctly, that you’re not just interpreting it how you’d want it to come off. “Y-You want me to…?” You trail off, unable to complete or even fathom that thought.

TG: just for the sake of like

TG: figuring it out you know

TG: understanding how i feel about it

TG: cause when i remember it happening i know it was just in anger and really fast and unexpected so by the time i had even begun to process it happening it was already over

TG: and its hard to imagine it happening in any other way besides some weird revenge move like that so i cant decide if the idea of something like that grosses me out or whatever

"You've been trying to imagine it?" you ask incredulously, your thinkpan trying to process all of this and failing to do so. 

TG: rose told me to

TG: that it would be a good way to figure out how i feel about the whole

TG: situation

TG: thing

A thick silence fills the room as each of you grasps for something to say.

TG: i mean you dont have to obviously

TG: i just thought

TG: shit

TG: actually this is a really stupid idea

TG: forget it

TG: pretend i never brought it up

You’re blushing hard now. A myriad of thoughts fly at the walls of you pan, but only one sticks: Dave wants to kiss you again. _Holy fucking shit._ You know it's just as a test, like an experiment, so you suppose you better put on your lab coat and become a scientist for the sake of your best friend.

“I’d be down to do that,” you say in your most casual voice. But you know that if he were to look at your face he’d know it was an act. You assure him, “It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just to help you sort out your feelings.”

Dave looks at you incredulously. “ _Yeah, yeah. Exactly. You would really do that?_ ”

You shrug, keeping up with the ruse of being totally unaffected by this request. “Sure. Bros help each other out, right?” Dave nods like he’s trying to convince himself of it. You remember the kiss last time, and one feature in particular that actually kind of made it hurt. “One condition, though. The shades come off.”

“ _What?!_ ” Dave signs looking shocked.

“Yeah, moron, I’m not pressing my face against those douche-circles again.”

There’s a pause as you wait for an answer. For a moment, you’re afraid you just blew your chance and he’ll take it all back, but to your surprise he reaches up and lowers his shades with shaky hands. He glances up at you for a moment, his shiny red eyes almost glowing in the light of the husktop. Your breath catches in your throat and you almost choke on it, but swallow it and all your feelings down with it.

“Thanks,” you nod. Dave nods with you and takes a deep breath, turning away again and shaking out his hands a little more in a gesture not unlike the one you make when you forget your drying rag after washing your hands. He's probably shaking out the nerves. You don't exactly have an outlet like that right now for yours, so you just gotta deal with it and try to keep your cool.

There's a hesitation, and you suppose you’re going to have to initiate it again. _Just… remember to do everything you can to do it for the sake of him finding out how he feels, and not for your own pleasure at all. Do not enjoy this. It’s for Dave._

You gently take Dave’s chin by two fingers and turn his face towards yours. He’s beet red and you can see him swallow. He licks his lips, and that action alone gets your bloodpusher- _stop it. This is a friend helping a friend, nothing more._

Leaning in, you give him a quick peck on the mouth. In the short half-second it lasts, you take note of how soft and wet his lips are, and you can’t help but seal the moment into your memory for the inevitable end where you never get the chance to do this again with him. The kiss is over way too soon, in your opinion, but you remind yourself that this is just a test and isn't supposed to be a _kiss_ kiss. You pull away and drop your hand. You try to steady your breathing, not realizing you had been holding your breath during that.

Dave swallows again and exhales shakily. He turns away, looking at his fingers as he twiddles them together. You want to wait for him to say something first, but you also need to make sure he doesn't completely hate your guts right now.

“You okay?” you ask softly. “I-It’s fine if you didn’t like it, I’m sorry that I-”

“ _Again,_ ” Dave signs hurriedly. Just that simple motion of one curled hand arching over to touch the other flattened palm is enough to make your breathing stutter again.

“W-What?”

The human whips out his phone again, using one hand to type and the other to stim.

TG: just one more

TG: that was too short i wasn’t really thinking about it my mind kinda went blank

TG: just one last one to solidify it

TG: please

Holy shit, this must be too good to be true. You’re almost entirely sure this isn’t a dream bubble or intensely vivid daydream, but you could be wrong. He did feel warm, so maybe the universe is finally giving you one really nice thing. _Take advantage of it while you can!_

Without any more words or hesitation, you slip your hand over his cheek and bring your lips together once again. You move your lips against his a tiny bit, and to your pleasant surprise are met with a bit of movement from his lips in return. It’s the best feeling you could ever imagine, but you force yourself to pull away after a few seconds. Your lips linger an inch from his before you back away completely. You think you’re flustered, but you must look calm and collected compared to Dave. His face is bright red, his breathing heavy. His eyes are wide, darting around between your face and the floor. You can’t tell the exact emotion on his face. You think you see fear, but also anger, and conflict.

“ _Again please,_ ” Dave signs, and it’s the greatest thing you’ve ever seen him say. But you’re honestly a little confused. You're not usually one to question great gifts that fall into your lap like this, but you need to make sure you're understanding this right.

“What,” you start with a nervous chuckle, “I thought you wanted that to be the last one. Is it because you still haven’t decided yet?”

“ _No. It’s because I have._ ”

Your face cracks from disbelief to a smile, and that’s all that Dave needs to put his hands on your shoulders and pull himself into more kisses with you, slipping his lips over yours in such a perfect way it’s as if paradox space created your mouths to fit together like puzzle pieces. You may not be god tier, but you feel like you could float away right now.

This time, as he slips his hands into your hair and draws small sounds from your mouth by doing so, Dave is the one to lead, and you’ve never been more happy to follow.


	14. Epilogue: Not Alone

You take a deep breath as you close the door to your bedroom for the last time. The three-year journey ends today. Terezi and Vriska managed to stop the meteor temporarily, right over the platform where the other humans and sprites are waiting for your crew to join them. You’ve gathered up everything you needed from your block into your sylladex, and are ready to _finally_ get off this tiny rock.

But first, you make your way to Dave’s room. He wouldn’t admit it, but you can tell he’s nervous about meeting new people, especially this other version of his bro. He’s anxious about what they’ll think of him, and if he’ll let them down at all. No amount of your reassurances have been able to convince him that these people will like him just the same, and that if they don’t then they aren’t worth being upset over. You can’t say you blame him, though. Your digestive tract has been in knots ever since this new Skaia was first visible a few hours ago. It's been so long since you've actively played this game, fought enemies, or have even seen new faces. You aren't entirely prepared for this day, even though you've been trying to practice fighting lately with Dave and even some friends you find in dream bubbles.

You get to Dave’s room to find the door cracked open. You knock anyway before opening it. Dave makes a “come in” sort of sound without even looking to see who it is. He’s floating up towards the ceiling, facing away from the door. You watch as he captchalogues the large trans flag off of his wall. Rose had given it to him for his birthday in year 2, and you remember how he hated it for a long while. But after some time and many beating-around-the-bush conversations about it, you found it hanging in his room one day. He had some days where he’d take it down for various reasons, but it was always hung back up soon enough. It’s still not something you fully understand, and you probably never will, but you are starting to see its importance to him to have pride in this thing he’s very insecure about. You imagine hanging up a flag might be similar to wearing one's caste on their clothes by inviting judgment from all who simply look at them. If that's the case, then you and Dave are in similar situations, since in the past year you've been starting to wear outfits that display your signature candy red color. Kanaya made them for you, and you had a similar reaction to her gift as Dave had to Rose's, but just like him you grew to accept it and even show it off a bit. Today, however, you changed into your normal gray sweats as you were packing, figuring at a time like this you need as much familiarity and comfort as you can get.

Dave apparently had the same idea. It’s almost strange seeing him back in his god tier outfit after months of variety. He’s been changing up his outfits this past year or so, wearing t-shirts and hoodies and even tank tops (an article of clothing you had not respected enough until you saw one on him). All of his outfits were either various versions of his god-tier getup or clothes that Kanaya had made him. She had ended up making outfits for everybody (besides Gamzee of course), with you being the final and most reluctant victim of her fashion rampage. Though, in hindsight, you're glad she did it, since it kept her happy and changed things up in a place where everything stays exactly the same.

Back in the today and now, you watch the human float around, grabbing his turntables, some bottles of apple juice you had alchemized for him for one "12th-Perigees-Eve-Slash-Christmas-Slash-Hanukkah", various swords and weapons, really everything save for his furniture. You notice he seems to be prioritizing sentimental value over practical usage, which you think is sweet.

He eventually finishes grabbing everything he needs and lands back down on the ground in front of you. Seeing his room so empty is kind of eerie after spending so much time in here among the clutter.

“Ready to go?” you ask.

Dave only nods.

So you slip your hand into your boyfriend’s, as you’ve done a hundred times before, and start the trek through the lab.

After that first day of real kisses almost two years ago, the both of you had had a long and very awkward talk about feelings and quadrants. He explained, to your amazement, that he not only wanted you, but he didn’t want to share you. You tried to reiterate how trolls are built for polyamory, but it was hard convincing him of that when you yourself don't seem to have the capacity for a neat four-square of love. So, you had settled on being boyfriends. This terrified the _shit_ out of the both of you at first. You weren’t used to doing romance the human way, and going beyond quadrants felt so fucked up and taboo (even though it's what you've dreamed of for so long). Dave was also going through conflicts regarding starting a relationship with another guy. You both struggled to understand the other’s problems for a while, but over time learned to empathize and just accept that other societies have different things they label as “fine” or “so bad you could be killed over it”. Now you’re pretty content and open with being his boyfriend, and he is too. It was a long and difficult road, but everyone else on the meteor not only supported it but downright predicted it, so you didn’t have to face any shit from anyone else thank god.

However, as you both reach the exit of the lab, you drop hands. These are new people with new judgments and biases you’re about to meet. You’ve both agreed to come out to them slowly, not all at once. But even though you aren't touching, you’re still side by side as you step out onto the meteor and face these new people together.

  


After the awkward introductions with three of the alpha humans and reunions with Egbert and a sleeping Harley, the battle plans are made. Before you know it, Dirk suddenly appears through some window portal Jasprose created somehow, and him and Dave are ready to go to their part of the battlefield to fight two of the three Jack Noir’s. Right before they leave, you and Dave lock eyes and give each other a short nod. You had both said your sappy goodbyes yesterday, agreeing to do it that way so you can both be in full fight-mode when the time comes. You know that now is not the time to be concerned about your relationship, but you still swear under your breath once you see him get zapped away as you try to recall what the last thing you said to him was. You could text him, but he can’t lose focus. At least, he can’t lose any _more_ focus, since right now he has a lot on his plate with meeting Dirk and all. You just sincerely hope he’ll be alright and that you’ll see him on the other side, alive and unharmed.

A tap on your shoulder snaps you out of your thoughts, and you quickly turn to see Dave and Rose’s ectomom Roxy standing there. She looks a lot like Dave, but she wears Rose’s distinct “I know more than you know” smile.

“Hey Karkles,” she greets you in her bubbly pink voice.

“What?” you growl, already annoyed. Didn't you tell her upon meeting her that you hate nicknames?

“The Strider bros are gone, right?”

“Yes, were you not present for their dramatic goddamn teleportation away to their battle?”

“No lmao I was,” she says. You still can’t believe she actually says l-m-a-o out loud. “I was just hoping to warn Dave ‘bout somethin’ first.”

 _That_ gets your full attention. “What? What were you going to warn him about?”

“‘Bout Dirk,” she responds casually.

“Care to fucking elaorate?!” you shout. Some heads turn your way but you couldn’t care less since this concerns Dave's safety.

“Hush hush, mister,” she says, lowering her voice. That just makes you want to yell louder, but she speaks first. She tells you in a hushed tone, “It’s nothing… dangerous, or bad. Just somethin’ Davey shoulda known before trying to be buddy-buddy with the guy.”

  


**== > Be Davey**

You’re not “Davey”, just Dave, thanks. And you’re now sitting on a rooftop, which isn’t unfamiliar to you, but what _is_ new is how you’re now on some planet that’s all green and stormy. There’s no rain or particularly dark clouds, just somehow lightning all over. The air is thick and smells like burnt meat, and based on the gas clouds you can spot hovering near the ground you're guessing that you wouldn't be able to go much lower without some sort of mask. You can’t for the life of you remember the name of this planet, and you don’t really care to. You suppose you could ask Dirk, but he’s…

He’s sitting on the opposite edge of the roof. When you look over, you notice he isn’t on his phone or practicing for the fight or anything, he’s just kind of looking out at the desolate city, same as you've been doing since you got here. The two of you haven't said a word to each other yet, and while you have your own reasons for your silence you aren't sure of his yet. Despite the lightning all over, it’s dead quiet. The city is quiet too, no enemies or consorts or anything. The silence is eerie. And so incredibly fucking awkward.

And makes you jump out of your skin when you hear a ding from your phone. At first your heart leaps at the thought of it being from Karkat, since even though you know what you had agreed to with him as far as goodbyes and last words you're still dying to hear _anything_ from him right now. But instead you see unfamiliar orange text light up your screen.

TT: Sup.

TG: sup

There’s a pause that seems to last a lifetime. It's killing you, but for once you have no fucking clue what to say to break it.

TT: This is sort of lame, isn’t it?

TG: yeah sure is

TG: didnt they say to practice or something

TT: I think I’ve done enough practicing, seeing as my whole life has led to this battle. But go ahead if you need to.

TG: nah im good

Silence again. Man this is really not how you expected this first conversation to go. But then again, you guess you’re grateful that Dirk’s choosing to use text instead of just talking to you normally. He looks way too much like Bro to see him as anything else right now, plus you aren’t sure you’re ready to go over the whole “I don’t talk” thing with him yet. You never really want to, but it’s only a matter of minutes before it’s bound to come up somehow. Terezi should be joining shortly, and you know for certain that she’ll tell him if you haven’t already by that point, so you might as well get it over with because her telling him sounds even worse.

But you’re hella nervous, no matter how much you try to deny that feeling. You have a lot of pent up energy and anxiety, and need to do something about that first before trying to confess anything. So you sneak a quick glance backwards to make sure that Dirk isn’t looking - he isn’t, he’s still just staring out like a weirdo - before you start signing to yourself. You started signing to yourself for practice back when you first began learning it, but it turned into a habit, then a comfort thing as a way to get thoughts out to yourself, then the movements of your hands and fingers felt familiar and eased your anxiety so much that at this point it’s as natural as stimming.

So, through signing, you talk to yourself. You try to rehearse what you’re going to tell Dirk, but end up just rambling about how you’re scared he’ll laugh at you or call you the things Bro called you or will try to find some way to “fix” you or that he’ll think you’re stupid or deaf or something because you don’t talk. There’s so many ways he could very well react, and you aren’t prepared for any of them. You spent 13 years with an asshole like that, and now that you’re out, you can’t face someone like that again for even a minute let alone fight beside him- _wait when did it get dark?_

It’s not dark. There’s a shadow over you.

You turn your head quickly, seeing Bro looming over you- no, it’s just Dirk. Not Bro. This is a different guy… sort of. He just bears a striking resemblance that keeps freaking you out.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and you wonder why he’s just looking at you. You glance down to your hands, which are frozen mid-sign and _fuck_ he definitely caught you signing to yourself. _Shit shit it’s okay, its fine play it cool you can play this off somehow just think…_

You look back up at Dirk, seeing your pathetic reflection in his douchey shades which isn't a new sight to you. Then you watch as he casually points at you, then puts his hand to his temple, then circles his pointer fingers around in a rolling motion. The movements undeniably read:

“ _You know sign language?_ ”

Your heart stops. The world stops, everything just fucking stops right in its tracks. No way in hell is this really happening.

“ _Yeah,_ ” you sign back, quickly and with a forced casualness that comes with years of practice.

“ _Cool, me too,_ ” he signs, even though that much is obvious.

Seeing him sign immediately changes his whole demeanor, and he doesn’t look like Bro so much anymore. Bro would never learn sign language for you or any other reason. So seeing this guy communicate with you like this automatically makes you see him as a different person, and your worries relax a little as your mind continues to short-circuit over this turn of events. Maybe you and him have more in common than you thought? You’re not so scared to find out anymore.

“ _Can I sit down?_ ” he asks politely. You nod, and he sits beside you. He wears a small smile where you’re used to seeing a flat line or a malicious smirk. You stare at him for a moment in amazement. Yeah, he isn’t Bro at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for coming on this journey with me. This was my first long fic, my first slow burn, my first davekat fic of significant size. I'm so proud of this work, and your support and comments are what motivated me to see this through to the end.
> 
> I hope you all are safe and well during these times. I hope this brought a bit of light on these dark days. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Find me on Twitter @KodaOfHeart and/or leave a comment letting me know your thoughts. See you next time for more gay love stories <3


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